by Andrew May

Some people bring unexpected lightness and comfort to our lives. They crackle with energy, practically electrify you with their presence. And then there are those who leave you feeling stressed out, drained, and totally flat. I call them Energy Vampires, and obnoxious or meek, they come in all shapes and sizes. Most Energy Vampires are well-meaning, normal people. Yet they tend to be an unhappy lot, and do their damage by a telepathic draining of their victim’s energy resources.

Taking into consideration recent psychological research highlighting that we start behaving like the collective sum of the 5 people we spend most of our time with, let’s have a look to see if you are regularly hanging out with vampires who drain your energy stocks. . .

Energy Vampire Quiz?

1.    Do you like to constantly tell other people what’s wrong with their lives?

2.    Do you often criticize and look for arguments?

3.    Do you always blame other people for what’s wrong in your life?

4.    Do you like to complain and talk about other people behind their back?

5.    Are you never happy unless you get exactly what you want with colleagues, family and friends?

6.    Do you feel like you bring the energy levels in a room down when you walk in?

Energy vampires drain positive energy in many ways including:

•    Intruding on your life, ignoring boundaries and privacy, Energy Vampires are the number 1 ticket holder in their own fan club and rarely think of other people and their needs

•    Making big deals out of nothing. Energy Vampires are often called Drama Queens because they can easily turn a broken nail into a Shakespearean tragedy. Negative energy spreads from everyday events

•    Complaining constantly about their partners, jobs, children, bad luck, illnesses and day to day woes

•    Criticizing other people’s hair, appearance, job, children, partner, friends, and pets

•    Being unrelentingly negative. Their negative energy appears continuous and Energy Vampires drain your positive energy by encouraging you to be negative too

•    Blaming everyone else for their problems and never taking responsibility for their own actions

Types of Energy Vampires

There are many types and variations of Energy Vampires. Have a look at the list below for 4 common variations.

Sob Sister

•    Always considers herself the victim

•    World is always against her

•    Recounts every horrible event

Ego Maniac

•    A constant talker

•    Always centre of attention

•    Their own number 1 fan

Drama Queen

•    Lives in emotional extremes

•    Unbelievably good or horrifically bad

•    Always has a problem

The Blamer

•    Always make you feel guilty

•    Picks faults in your life

•    Complains about others

Slaying an Energy Vampire!

No matter which type of Energy Vampire you’re dealing with, you are allowed to walk away. Many of us find this really hard to do. We’re afraid of being thought of as impolite and we don’t want to offend people. But there are plenty of ways to remove your self from an energy zapping conversation. When leaving isn’t an option, you can still maintain your energy level by making a few minor adjustments.

1. Recognize the Signs

One of the first things to do is to recognize when you’re being drained, and that begins with tuning in to your physical and emotional reactions. Is there a tightening in your chest when a certain person enters the conversation? Do you feel tired when you hang up the phone after speaking with someone? Does your head hurt or do you constantly feel flat or down after interacting with a certain person?

2. Take a Deep Breath

The moment you feel zapped of energy try taking a deep breath and relaxing. Regardless of what the Energy Vampire is saying to you try and stay calm and don’t let them sabotage your physiology or thoughts with their negative emotions.

3. Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is another way of protecting yourself. You may need to have an upfront conversation and tell people what you can and can’t do for them. You don’t have to convince the vampire of the rightness of your stance. Getting defensive simply adds to the negative charge of the encounter. You want to remain neutral. When someone starts pushing your buttons, and you start sizzling inside, you’ve got to make the decision not to react.

4. Positive Optimistic Thoughts (POT’s)

Every day we all have around 50,000 internal thoughts and more than 12,000 conversations in our own head. Energy Vampires have more Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANT’s) and tend to focus on what can go wrong, rather than what could possibly go right. Have a good think about the people you spend most of your time with and what type of thoughts do they have more of?
Try and focus on the positives in life and even set yourself a target of only saying nice things about other people, if you’ve got nothing nice to say just remain quiet. Try it for a week and see if you can nurture more POT’s and remove some of your ANT’s.

Watch Andrew May discuss Energy Vampires on the Today Show

Andrew May is is considered Australia’s leading expert on performance and productivity and is the author of the bestselling book, Flip the Switch and Switched On Health Professionals. Andrew speaks at conferences across the globe, mentors CEO’s and senior managers. He is published throughout national and international media, with regular segments on 2UE radio, Mix 106.5 Body and Soul and Channel Nine’s TODAY show.

This entry was posted on Friday, September 5th, 2008 at 12:08 pm and is filed under mind. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.