by Dr. Tim Sharp

If you’re reading this blog then you’re a leader.  You might not have “leader” or “manager” or “executive” in your title but I’m guessing that if you’re still with me then you are, in one way or other, the sort of person who has, or at least wants to have a significant influence within your team and/or organisation.

And that’s great, because I don’t think we can ever have enough leaders…assuming, that is, we have positive leaders.

Positive leaders energise and motivate.  Positive leaders inspire and innovate.  Positive leaders encourage collaboration and foster morale and engagement.  Positive leaders generate more productivity, better results, and out perform their peers on every imaginable measure.  People want to work for positive leaders and organisations want to find and keep positive leaders.

The good news is that we can all learn to be positive leaders; and the even better news is that there’s not just one way to be a positive leader.  We can all do it in our own way, using our own style and within our own personality.

Research from the exciting new science of positive psychology informs us that positive leaders tend to:

-    Have a clear sense of their purpose and direction; they know who they are and what their role is; they find meaning in their work and help others find meaning and see the bigger picture also
-    Be more optimistic; they focus on positives but also face the cold, hard realities of the day; they recognise problems but quickly generate solutions
-    Support others; they care for themselves but they also care for their loved ones and colleagues; they’re generous; they recognise talents and abilities in others and bring out the best in their team
-    Be self aware and cognisant of their own inner strengths; they know exactly in what areas they excel and they utilise these characteristics as often as possible
-    Appreciate and be grateful for what’s good; they focus more on what they have and less on what they don’t have; they catch people when they’re doing things right, not just when they’re making mistakes, and they say thank you

If you’re already doing all this then hold onto your hat because you’re in for an exciting and fulfilling ride; if you’re not, then start making what ever changes you need to make because if you can become a positive leader (and you can because everything I’ve outlined above can be learned) you’ll achieve more happiness and success than you ever thought possible!

Dr. Sharp is one of Australia’s leaders in the exciting new science of positive psychology and happiness. In short, he is one of this country’s leading Executive Coaches, a highly qualified consultant on matters relating to human behaviour and psychology (particularly the application of positive psychology principles within organisations and teams) and a sought after public/corporate speaker. For more information please email info@thehappinessinstitute or visit The Happiness Institute

by Andrew May

Some people bring unexpected lightness and comfort to our lives. They crackle with energy, practically electrify you with their presence. And then there are those who leave you feeling stressed out, drained, and totally flat. I call them Energy Vampires, and obnoxious or meek, they come in all shapes and sizes. Most Energy Vampires are well-meaning, normal people. Yet they tend to be an unhappy lot, and do their damage by a telepathic draining of their victim’s energy resources.

Taking into consideration recent psychological research highlighting that we start behaving like the collective sum of the 5 people we spend most of our time with, let’s have a look to see if you are regularly hanging out with vampires who drain your energy stocks. . .

Energy Vampire Quiz?

1.    Do you like to constantly tell other people what’s wrong with their lives?

2.    Do you often criticize and look for arguments?

3.    Do you always blame other people for what’s wrong in your life?

4.    Do you like to complain and talk about other people behind their back?

5.    Are you never happy unless you get exactly what you want with colleagues, family and friends?

6.    Do you feel like you bring the energy levels in a room down when you walk in?

Energy vampires drain positive energy in many ways including:

•    Intruding on your life, ignoring boundaries and privacy, Energy Vampires are the number 1 ticket holder in their own fan club and rarely think of other people and their needs

•    Making big deals out of nothing. Energy Vampires are often called Drama Queens because they can easily turn a broken nail into a Shakespearean tragedy. Negative energy spreads from everyday events

•    Complaining constantly about their partners, jobs, children, bad luck, illnesses and day to day woes

•    Criticizing other people’s hair, appearance, job, children, partner, friends, and pets

•    Being unrelentingly negative. Their negative energy appears continuous and Energy Vampires drain your positive energy by encouraging you to be negative too

•    Blaming everyone else for their problems and never taking responsibility for their own actions

Types of Energy Vampires

There are many types and variations of Energy Vampires. Have a look at the list below for 4 common variations.

Sob Sister

•    Always considers herself the victim

•    World is always against her

•    Recounts every horrible event

Ego Maniac

•    A constant talker

•    Always centre of attention

•    Their own number 1 fan

Drama Queen

•    Lives in emotional extremes

•    Unbelievably good or horrifically bad

•    Always has a problem

The Blamer

•    Always make you feel guilty

•    Picks faults in your life

•    Complains about others

Slaying an Energy Vampire!

No matter which type of Energy Vampire you’re dealing with, you are allowed to walk away. Many of us find this really hard to do. We’re afraid of being thought of as impolite and we don’t want to offend people. But there are plenty of ways to remove your self from an energy zapping conversation. When leaving isn’t an option, you can still maintain your energy level by making a few minor adjustments.

1. Recognize the Signs

One of the first things to do is to recognize when you’re being drained, and that begins with tuning in to your physical and emotional reactions. Is there a tightening in your chest when a certain person enters the conversation? Do you feel tired when you hang up the phone after speaking with someone? Does your head hurt or do you constantly feel flat or down after interacting with a certain person?

2. Take a Deep Breath

The moment you feel zapped of energy try taking a deep breath and relaxing. Regardless of what the Energy Vampire is saying to you try and stay calm and don’t let them sabotage your physiology or thoughts with their negative emotions.

3. Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is another way of protecting yourself. You may need to have an upfront conversation and tell people what you can and can’t do for them. You don’t have to convince the vampire of the rightness of your stance. Getting defensive simply adds to the negative charge of the encounter. You want to remain neutral. When someone starts pushing your buttons, and you start sizzling inside, you’ve got to make the decision not to react.

4. Positive Optimistic Thoughts (POT’s)

Every day we all have around 50,000 internal thoughts and more than 12,000 conversations in our own head. Energy Vampires have more Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANT’s) and tend to focus on what can go wrong, rather than what could possibly go right. Have a good think about the people you spend most of your time with and what type of thoughts do they have more of?
Try and focus on the positives in life and even set yourself a target of only saying nice things about other people, if you’ve got nothing nice to say just remain quiet. Try it for a week and see if you can nurture more POT’s and remove some of your ANT’s.

Watch Andrew May discuss Energy Vampires on the Today Show

Andrew May is is considered Australia’s leading expert on performance and productivity and is the author of the bestselling book, Flip the Switch and Switched On Health Professionals. Andrew speaks at conferences across the globe, mentors CEO’s and senior managers. He is published throughout national and international media, with regular segments on 2UE radio, Mix 106.5 Body and Soul and Channel Nine’s TODAY show.

by Kate James

A great alternative to a regular detox program is to create a detoxed lifestyle. This enduring approach allows you to enjoy life’s pleasures, while at the same time caring for your health on a daily basis.

A regular detox program aims to reduce or eliminate physical vices such as unhealthy foods, caffeine, cigarettes, alcohol and recreational drugs while simultaneously increasing exercise and using techniques for reducing stress.

All of these things are wonderful, but can result in quick fix, short lived benefits. Aiming to create a detoxed lifestyle will enable you to enjoy good health for life.

The place to begin is to understand what drives us toward the vices in the first place. Most of us are extremely busy and have little time for self care. Without the time to relax and reflect, we can find ourselves operating on automatic pilot without stopping to consider whether we’ve actually created lives that are really fulfilling.

Without continually reviewing our levels of happiness, we can find ourselves filling up the empty spaces with things that provide short term pleasure, like a block of chocolate or half a bottle of wine. If we take the time to think about what is really in the void – maybe it’s a need for love or a need to be understood and validated - we often eliminate the need for the vice.

Here are ten ways to live a detoxed lifestyle and actively promote good health:

1. Find someone to love

Most people want a partner – some just don’t want to admit it to themselves because they fear it won’t happen. Don’t be afraid to be proactive.

2. Connect with others

People who have a good social network are the happiest. If you don’t have great friends, make it your mission to get out and meet new people.

3. Exercise regularly

Exercise is not only a means of improving your physical health, but a great way of creating time for you. Aim to exercise at least three times a week to a point that you get your heart rate up for at least twenty minutes

4. Schedule time to relax

Even if it’s only fifteen minutes each day, slowing down is essential for all of us. Meditation is a wonderful way to calm the mind but if it’s not for you, lying down listening to your favourite piece of music will do wonders.

5. Nurture yourself

Prevention is the key to a successful lifestyle detox program. Book a massage treatment once a month and make the next booking before you leave so you remember how important it is to prioritise self care.

6. Breathe

Create mini-breaks in your day where you take the time to do at least ten deep breaths. Extend the breath deep into your belly and exhale slowly to really purify your system.

7. Stretch

A couple of stretching exercises is a wonderful way to start your day. The yoga sun salutation pose is an excellent series of stretches to perform.

8. Enjoy your vices in moderation

If it’s what you enjoy, have a glass of wine or two each day and ideally allow two alcohol free days per week. Moderation is key. There’s no point in detoxing for a month and then going out on a bender once you’ve finished.

9. Eat well five days a week

…and relax the rules on the other two.

10. Talk to someone

Don’t wait until you’re feeling overwhelmed or depressed before getting help. Have a couple of sessions with a counsellor or coach to talk things through. Often you’ll find that just the process of airing your concerns is enough to lift a weight from your shoulders.

Do any of these detoxed lifestyle strategies work for you? Or do you have other tips to share? Let us know via a comment.

Kate James works with her clients to help them clarify their personal values and strengths so that they can determine a life direction that feels like the perfect fit.

For more from Kate James, head to www.flyingsolo.com.au, Australia’s online community for solo and micro business owners.

by Maya Anderson

Feeling frustrated, lethargic or like you have stagnated? Or feel like you just can’t move on from a broken relationship? Clearing out your material clutter can re-energise you and give you a new lease on life. Maya Anderson reports.

If you’ve ever felt peaceful or satisfied after you’ve given a messy room a good cleanout, there’s a reason. According to feng shui and clutter clearing consultant Nidia Hansen from Global Feng Shui having clutter in your home or workplace creates stagnation in your life in a variety of ways. “Clutter clearing is a modern and helpful means of making a difference in your life,” Ms Hansen said.

Feng shui dictates that everything in the universe is surrounded by qi (also spelt chi and ki), its life force or electromagnetic energy. “Qi can affect our life in two ways: the external one that surrounds our living space or work building, and the internal one within our home or office,” Ms Hansen said. “To be harmonious and productive, the qi has to be free flowing and not restricted.”

Clearing out unwanted or unneeded material from the home and workplace can re-energise us and boost our outlook. “By keeping your spaces relatively clutter-free, you are not only allowing the free flow of the qi, but you are removing stagnant or dead qi created by that clutter, giving yourself new opportunities in your life,” Ms Hansen said.

Permanent clutter could cause poor concentration, stress, resentfulness and lowered immunity. “It affects your personal image and how others perceive you – as neglected, unworthy, disorganised or ignored.” Clutter can also cost you money. “How many times have you bought unnecessary – and perhaps the same – books, tools, hardware, frozen foods, CDs, makeup or have downloaded the same information because you can’t find it?” Ms Hansen said. “Worst of all, clutter creates chaos, impedes new opportunities, occupies space and affects relationships.”

Perth-based psychotherapist Katie Altham said clutter can be an unconscious burden that adds to our stress levels, making us feel out of control or ashamed of being disorganised. “We often feel guilty for not having dealt with or finished that which is constantly around us. Our self-esteem is affected and our sense of inner peace can be completely sabotaged.”

Ms Altham said while excess clutter can keep us from moving forward, letting go of it is very difficult for many people, particularly when stressed or when clinging onto the shreds of a former relationship seems important. “Having many familiar things around can help us feel we belong and bring temporary comfort, however they can also lock us into the past and days gone by, holding us back emotionally, physically and mentally,” she said.

Some people hoard things in case they ever need them, or feel guilty getting rid of unwanted things given as gifts. According to Ms Hansen, other common reasons people hoard things is because they fear not having enough, enjoy buying and accumulating things to demonstrate success, or use retail therapy to cover unsolved emotional problems.

Fear of change and the unknown can also cause us to cling to material things. Ms Altham said everyone has times when life seems to stagnate and we become resistant to any change. “Clearing clutter will help to shift this impasse and make us feel constructive and pro-active again. Whenever I get stuck in my life and feel somewhat impotent, I have a spring clean around the house, clearing clutter. As I’m doing this, I’m also sorting through the clutter and rubbish in my thoughts. Within three days, there is always a breakthrough of some kind and my life seems to move again.”

So what things should we give or throw away? Ms Hansen said while commonly collected clutter includes clothes, shoes, documents, written information and memorabilia, what is termed clutter varies according to individuals. “Our lifestyles are diverse – what is useless for one person could be a treasure or useful to another,” she said.

A good idea when de-cluttering is to ask yourself whether you love the object, or if it is useful to you and your current life. “Question yourself: do I need it, or do I want it? Why do I keep this? How many times have I used it or will I use it? Be honest with yourself,” Ms Hansen said.

Clearing things that are reminders of unhappy memories, such as broken relationships, can help you move forwards. “There are positive and negative messages about ourselves throughout our environment,” Ms Altham said. “For example, photos of past occasions where we felt unhappy – even though we may have been smiling – or with people no longer with us can be detrimental.” Either bin photos or memorabilia that provoke unhappy memories, or put them in albums out of constant sight.

Clutter includes anything broken or unfinished, which often reflect issues not dealt with, and things that cause guilt. “A client told me last week how he had 20 to 30 text books strewn around his lounge that he knew he should read,” Ms Altham said. “He felt sure they would be of benefit, yet not being a huge reader, felt overwhelmed by them.” He decided to donate them to his library, knowing he could get them out if he wanted to read them. “His lounge and home feels much lighter now, and the silent burden of books not read, gone,” Ms Altham said.

Break down your clutter clearing into smaller tasks – one cupboard, box or drawer at a time. “Sort items into types: rubbish, recycling, return, donation or for sale,” Ms Hansen said. “Have a garage sale – they can be good fun and rewarding financially and mentally.”

• Things to Throw Out or Donate

• Anything that you don’t love or that isn’t useful

• Photos, cards or letters that remind you of unhappy times

• Empty ice cream containers, egg cartons, jars or other items that you’re collecting in case they come in useful

• Things that are broken that you know no-one will get around to fixing

• Unwanted gifts

• Clothes that you haven’t worn in a year or that no longer fit

• Reminders of broken relationships

• Old magazines and newspapers that won’t get read again

• Unused electronic equipment, exercise gear and unwanted toys

• Books that are not useful or that you did not enjoy

Maya Anderson is a full-time freelance journalist who specialises in health, fitness, nutrition and wellbeing issues. To contact Maya, email maya.anderson@hotmail.com

by Fiona Cosgrove

Did you know that 90% of our behaviour is made up of habits? Yes, that’s right – not conscious and deliberate action – mind numbing, thought-free habits! If they happen to be habits that work for us (like putting our clothes away, or placing the car keys in the same place each night) then that’s great. But all too often our habits are part of our behaviours that we would very much like to change – if only it wasn’t so hard!

Change isn’t easy. Some are harder than others. The first step is making the decision to change. Let’s presume that you have decided that the cost is more than the benefit of the habit (or habits) in question. You have made a firm commitment to change and have looked into the various options available to you. You have worked out quite clearly why you want to make the change and have a great picture of what life will be like when you have succeeded. The next step is to look closely at what may get in the way. Forewarned is forearmed so to speak.

Barriers to change come in many shapes and sizes but generally they will fall into one of the following four categories.

• Behaviours
• Situations
• Thoughts
• Feelings

Let’s start with behaviours. This is really just another word for our habits! In other words we get in our own way, we trip ourselves up – all those other clichés are right. How hard will it be to change what we do?

Step 1: Work out what it is that we do that prevents us from having what we want. For example, we want to lose weight but start each morning with a large whole milk latte and two crispy crème donuts. Not good. How easy will it be to change this particular habit? Only you can answer that.
Step 2: Instead of striking it off the list, find a replacement. Decide to have breakfast at another café, or even better, eat at home with food that you have planned in advance that you know is of higher nutritious value and less likely to be worn round your middle.

Situations are things that create the framework of our daily lives.
Step 1: Work out whether any situation is likely to affect your chances of success, A situation that could be a barrier is living in a country that has long cold winters and makes exercise much less accessible. Or it could be the job you do that demands long hours and lengthy drives in traffic. You know you would like to go to the gym but at the end of the day there simply is not enough time left and your energy is low.
Step 2: Can you change this situation? Perhaps not, but I bet there is a way you can modify it to find another way of exercising or doing whatever else it is you want to do.

Our thoughts have a fair amount of control over what we do. If we tell ourselves something often enough, chances are we believe it. If it’s a positive belief then that works for us (unless it’s delusional). If it’s a negative belief then the spin offs can be deadly.
Step 1: Work out whether you have any habitual thought patterns that could be getting in your way. Catch yourself thinking the thought.
Step 2: Challenge that thought. Is it realistic? Is there proof that this belief is correct? Or is it slightly faulty or exaggerated? Would there be a better way of thinking?
Step 3: Learn to substitute faulty thoughts with more realistic ones.

Our feelings usually come straight from our thoughts.
Step 1: Taking the above action can help. Some feelings are more complicated to analyse. Fear, anger, resentment, anxiety can have deep-seated causes and often not be recognized for what they are.
Step 2: Become more self aware and challenge the way you think, Understand how you feel about the old behaviour and the new behaviour before you begin a significant change. For example, “Realise I am quite scared of losing weight as I am not sure how people will react to the new me.”

THOROUGH PREPARATION WILL ENSURE GREAT SUCCESS THAN JUST JUMPING IN:

• Look at your current behaviours and pinpoint the ones that will be hardest to change.
• Analyse your situation and find out how it could work against you.
• Listen to your internal voice. What are you saying to yourself that may be getting in the way?
• How do you feel about the change you want to make? Is there a different way of looking at things that could make your plan easier?

Barriers or obstacles get in the way constantly or everyone when they attempt a new way of living. They are often referred to as “excuses”. Some are but others are real. Learn to pick the difference and work steadily away at the real ones. Barriers can be removed, or at the worst – jumped over.

Fiona Cosgrove has over 20 years experience in the wellness & fitness industry - owning and managing clubs in Australia and Asia, including No 1 Martin Place, NSW Fitness Centre of the Year, 2006. Fiona is the author of Coach Yourself to Wellness and she regularly runs corporate seminars and workshops in the areas of healthy lifestyle, motivation and wellness.

by Catherine Saxelby

The unhealthier sex?

Health statistics reveal that women complain of ill-health and are in hospital more often than men, yet men’s health is definitely poorer than women’s. Consider these male-female differences:

•    Men suffer more from heart disease, lung disease, high blood pressure and bowel cancer than women.
•    Men have higher rates of suicide and self-injury than women.
•    Men die on average six years earlier than women - life expectancy for men is 75, while for women it is 81 years.
•    Men consult doctors less, take less responsibility for their health and are much less likely to be prescribed antidepressants than women.
•    Most alcoholics are men and men are seven times as likely as women to be arrested for drink driving.
•    Around 60% of Aussie blokes are overweight compared to fewer than 50% of women. Male fat tends to be distributed around the abdomen (the “apple” shape), which is far more dangerous than the female distribution on hips and thighs (the “pear” shape). Abdominal fat is linked with an increased risk of heart disease and diabetes.
•    Prostate cancer is the second most common cancer in men (killing four times the number of men than women with cervical cancer), yet little is known about its origins and there is no national screening program.

Men often know little about eating the right foods (having always considered it the domain of their mothers or wives) and this is taking its toll on their wellbeing as well as their families. This is because male preferences often dictate what the whole households eats, according to a recent Australian study. It reports that many wives are reluctant to experiment with recipes or to reduce the fat in meals because of complaints from the male of the house. Children frequently copy Dad, making it even harder for health-conscious mothers.

Ten ways to improve your nutrition

So how can males improve their eating habits and feel better?
1.    Take an interest in nutrition and what’s what in healthy eating.
2.    Trim the fat from your steaks and steer clear of sausages and fatty chops.
3.    Heap your plate with green vegetables – potatoes aren’t the only vegetable.
4.    Moderate your alcohol intake.
5.    Set a good example to your children. Eat your vegetables and salad – and look as if you’re enjoying them!
6.    Taste your food before salting it.
7.    Eat plenty of fibre to keep your bowel in good order – porridge oats, bran cereals, baked beans, grain toast, nuts and vegetables.
8.    Eat fish two or three times each week.
9.    Be prepared and pack a sandwich or leftovers so you don’t have to rely on fast food.
10.    Take cooking classes or invest in a basic cookbook so you can whip up easy meals such as an omelette, stir-fry with vegetables, a roast, vegetable soup and a good curry. It’s not that hard – and everyone will think you’re wonderful!

Catherine Saxelby is an accredited nutritionist and author of 9 books including Nutrition for Life. For more tips and ideas, go to her website at www.foodwatch.com.au