Room for a friend
By Kate James
‘If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself alone.’ Samuel Johnson
It’s funny how some days you think you have all the friends in the world and then others, you wake up and wonder who you can catch up with for a drink or dinner or a walk.
During school and university, it’s generally pretty easy to make friends. You’re surrounded by people of similar ages and your lives have enough common ground for you to be able to relate to one another. For most people, those friendships last comfortably into their twenties or even thirties but after that, things often start to change.
As people pair up, travel overseas or start their own families, friends become dispersed - if not by distance then by the differences in life circumstances. Many of the clients I see in their early thirties (both men and women) have found themselves somewhat bereft of a fulfilling social network. Particularly those who are single.
One of the difficulties lies in knowing where to connect with people your own age…and the next is finding the motivation to get out there and do something about it. Admitting to loneliness is taboo in our society, but the truth is, we all experience it at some time in our lives and its effects are deeply felt.
At a recent meditation retreat, I discovered something truly valuable. In a peaceful, unhurried setting, where there was time to really get to know people, everyone was interesting. Spending a weekend together (albeit, with a shared interest) helped. But the thing that had the most profound effect on me personally was the attitude of a fellow guest at the beginning of the weekend. When asked by Paul Wilson (the retreat leader) what brought us here, this participant said ‘I’ve been to many retreats before and what I enjoy most is that every person I’ve met is interesting’.
Ian’s words made me realise how much we limit ourselves in creating room for new friends in our lives. We judge others too quickly; we anticipate that everyone else has enough friends and therefore wouldn’t be open to an approach from us; we imagine we’re not good enough or we simply allow ourselves to accept that the way things are is all that will ever be.
If you have room in your life for a new friend, don’t sit back and wait for it to happen.
* join a group that interests you - Adult Education have a whole range of different options http://www.cae.edu.au/
* Volunteer somewhere - Good Company is great if you can’t commit to ongoing volunteer work http://www.goodcompany.com.au/
* Rekindle an old friendship. Don’t let it bother you that its been years since you’ve been in touch with someone…make the call today
* Be bold - ask an acquaintance you have something in common with out for coffee
* Get to know the parents of your children’s friends better by inviting them for dinner
* Make friends with an elderly neighbour
* Don’t restrict yourself to friends of the same age…some of the most valuable friendships are those where we have something to learn from one another
Kate James is a work life balance coach, writer and speaker. She works with professional people who want to enhance their quality of life by making the right career and life choices. You can find Kate at www.totalbalance.com.au.