by Fiona Cosgrove

Life coaches, Performance coaches, Wellness coaches, Executive coaches. These are becoming everyday terms. With the increased pressure on us to reach for the stars, achieve our goals, fulfill our potential comes the dilemma of how to structure our lives to allow this success. The demands of daily life have never been greater and in this information age when the choice of services, products, guidelines is enormous, how do we come up with a plan to “be our best”? There is a big difference between consultants, mentors and coaches. The former two roles are more of a “telling” or expert role. They are bringing their often superior knowledge to the relationship and we learn from them. They tend to take responsibility for the learning and teaching process. A coach is quite different.

What a coach will do is:

• Act as a support person and “cheerleader”
• Help you find your own solutions
• Facilitate your path to change
• Let you take the lead
• Be a mirror to reflect your insights and awareness
• Affirm your strengths
• Show empathy and acceptance
• Hold you accountable

A coach is someone who will help you get there. A coach will not:

• Tell you what to do,
• Take on the responsibility
• Constantly offer advice
• Design your plan

Get the picture? If you find the right match for you, a coach can help you climb any mountain. But how do we find a great coach when there are so many people out there claiming to be just that?

A good check list might look something like this:

A great coach will:

• Be passionate and energetic in their commitment to help you be your best
• Be astute enough to recognize what is important to you, not them.
• Walk the talk
• Only offer expert advice at pivotal moments
• Have clear focus and positive and confident outlook
• Believe in you
• Be trained in coach psychology and the area that they are working in

It is a good idea to meet with a potential coach first to find out if you are comfortable with each other and you can connect with that person. Your coach will foster self acceptance and self respect and not hold themselves out to have all the answer. They will have a knack for honing in on our strengths, desires and values. Coaches are great listeners and enjoy our stories. Ask them about how they structure their sessions. A good coach will have a model they follow (but not their own agenda), which will become a vehicle for you to help you move towards your goals. They usually offer a program rather than a one-off session, understanding that change takes time and a methodical approach.

A coach needs to be able to take risks and confront us when necessary, yet at the same time be playful when appropriate and make the sessions fun - not just hard work. A good coach will not rescue us when we hit a difficult place but let us work through the dilemma. They will understand the importance of our journey and help us celebrate each successful step. They will eventually leave us with greater self knowledge, confidence and belief in our own abilities and if all goes according to plan – the ability to live a more fulfilling life.

Fiona Cosgrove has over 20 years experience in the wellness & fitness industry - owning and managing clubs in Australia and Asia, including No 1 Martin Place, NSW Fitness Centre of the Year, 2006. Fiona is the author of Coach Yourself to Wellness and she regularly runs corporate seminars and workshops in the areas of healthy lifestyle, motivation and wellness.

By Tim Sharp

As regular readers would well be aware, I spend much of my time talking about happiness and as part of this, I spend much of my time busting common myths and misconceptions about happiness. If we don’t properly understand what happiness is (as well as what it isn’t) then we’re always going struggle to achieve it.

Now I’ve heard some pretty bizarre and outlandish claims made about happiness in my time and so as a result, I’ve developed a new presentation titled “Hard facts, half-truths and absolute nonsense”. Today I’m pleased to bring you a brief summary of some of the more common half-truths and some of the absurd claims made about happiness with a view to helping you avoid falling into these traps and accordingly, being distracted from what will really help you create a happy life.

Myth 1: Happiness comes from having more money and more things

The truth: more money will lead to more happiness but only to a point. There’s no doubt that for someone living below the poverty line, struggling to eat or secure shelter, then money will definitely help. But once we get beyond a certain point, which for the sake of simplicity we’ll consider an average wage, then the return we get from increasing our wealth diminishes rapidly. That is, if happiness is our goal we’ll receive a much better return on our investment from pursuing other goals such as developing and fostering our relationships – which makes happiness the most valuable asset!

Myth 2: Happiness involves seeking pleasure and avoiding pain

The truth: as with the first point this is partially true, but only partially. Most people like pleasure and most don’t like pain; but happiness is much more than hedonism. In fact, the research suggests that although important, pleasure may be less important for our happiness than meaning and purpose.

Myth 3: Happiness is synonymous with being frivolous and irresponsible

The truth: Happy people are not silly but rather, tend to be very responsible and productive employees and citizens. In short, happy people typically outperform unhappy people on every measure so rather than being frivolous, happy people are healthier, more productive, better parents and better friends.

Myth 4: Life’s too serious for happiness

The truth: Life’s so serious we can’t afford not to be happy. I’m not naive enough to think life’s all wonderful but the fact that there are problems in the world means it’s even more important for as many of us as possible to be happy; because, when we experience positive emotions we’re more resilient and we’re more able to generate effective solutions to the difficulties we face.

Myth 5: There’s a secret to happiness out there somewhere

The truth: there is no secret. I’m sorry to disappoint some of you but the reality is quite simple…there is no one secret to happiness. And even if there were one thing that was very important for me it wouldn’t be the same for all of you because we’re all different. Happiness means different things to different people and accordingly, the creation of happiness will require different approaches for different people. But at the risk of contradicting my earlier statement, if here was a secret to happiness it would probably be discipline – having the discipline to determine and clarify your own happiness plan, and then stick to it!

So if you want to create a happier life beware of these and other myths. I urge you to believe happiness is possible but I also urge you to see the creation of happiness as something that requires work and time.

Dr. Sharp is one of Australia’s leaders in the exciting new science of positive psychology and happiness. In short, he is one of this country’s leading Executive Coaches, a highly qualified consultant on matters relating to human behaviour and psychology (particularly the application of positive psychology principles within organisations and teams) and a sought after public/corporate speaker. For more information please email info@thehappinessinstitute or visit The Happiness Institute