By Andrew May

This simple question plays a hugely important part in our lives and in our overall identity. It is one of the first questions we ask, or get asked, at parties, industry conferences and even extended family gatherings.

What we do for a living defines us. It gives us a sense of place in the world and can tell other people a lot about the type of person we are and our level of ‘success’. It’s more than a job – it’s a tag, a personal brand that provides insight into who we are.

When you answer “I’m a sales executive”, or “I’m a professional athlete” or “I’m a journalist” or “I’m in IT” people draw all sorts of conclusions. They might estimate how much you earn or weigh up what suburb you live in. They might hazard a guess at the type of house you live in, the model of car you drive, right down to the types of friends you have and the quality and excitement of your sex life… Or lack there of…

Personal Identity

Who you are is much more than your career alone. While our jobs are indeed an important part of our profile, they are just a part of the complete picture.

Defining yourself through only one aspect of your life – whether it is your career, a relationship, or financial status – is a recipe for unhappiness. Why? Because human beings are multi-faceted and we are definitely the sum total of all of our parts – not just one part in isolation.

Personal identity is the way you view yourself in the world. It directly impacts your thoughts, feelings, actions and even how you behave in challenging situations.

Your personal identity embraces your:

* Values and beliefs

* Strengths and idiosyncrasies

* Body image (also called physical identity)

* Personality and character traits (also called internal identity)

* Personal goals and aspirations.

* It also governs how you picture yourself in relation to other people and how you identify yourself in relation to your occupation.

Note that I have listed six separate components here. Six. Your personal identity is a multi-faceted hierarchy and our occupation is just one of these.

You are not your business card!

For many people work provides an important source of personal identity; for some it may be the only significant source. Work as your primary source of identity is fundamentally inadequate, because few of us can claim that identity forever. Sickness, disability, redundancy, retirement and the process of ageing all threaten an identity built solely upon our careers. But it is not the only source; we all have other identities. We are sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers, friends and neighbours.

Discover an identity outside of your career

It’s important to have more to your self-definition than just a prestigious title, a Gold AMEX credit card, prime-parking position in the company car park or membership to the QANTAS Club Chairman’s Lounge.  People who rely solely on their career to define who they are risk becoming one-dimensional.

And what happens when that career expires or disappears? Like the high-school sports star who at 40 years of age realises they actually hit their peak in Year 12 and have been on a downward spiral ever since. Ouch!

Next time someone asks you what you do, try expanding your response a little. We can define who we are and what we do in a multitude of ways including our family, friends, signature strengths, skills and talents, hobbies, passions, personal experience, trials and tribulations, success, education and learning, spiritual development and even our pets.

“I’m a husband, a parent, a sibling and a friend: I’m a student, an athlete, a teacher and a coach; I’m a cyclist, a dog owner, an investor and an author; I’m a surfer (even though a really bad one!), a swimmer, a speaker and business owner.”

So, what do you do?”

List your answers and remember to broaden your horizons and include more than just your career.

Finished? I hope you’ve at least tried to list five to six different things. You probably won’t actually say all of this to someone when you meet for the very first time. In fact, I’d highly recommend you don’t unless you want to come across as a bit of a tosser! But this activity really helps you define what I call your true identity or Whole Person Concept.

We have many identities including:

* Parent

* Sibling

* Mentor/teacher

* Partner

* Athlete

* Community worker

* Volunteer

* Friend

So, what do you do - on the weekends?

A lucky handful of people combine their creative talents, hobbies or sporting skills with their day job. The rest of us pursue these activities in our own time, although no less passionately! Our amateur pursuits and hobbies tend to genuinely represent what we care about and how we define ourselves outside of work.

Go on, test it out. Ask someone what they do as a day job and they may or may not respond with enthusiasm. Ask them what they do on the weekend, or on holiday, or when they’re happiest and most people will light up like a Christmas tree. It may not be apparent on the surface, but the average office floor is swarming with amateur guitarists, golfers, surfers, soccer players, pianists, dress-makers, welders, painters, magicians, boating enthusiasts, car restorers, historians and more.

You can’t buy back time!

Who really wants to be remembered for having the emptiest inbox? Or for working the most hours in the multinational company that ended up going flop? Or for having the most holidays stock-piled waiting for the perfect time?

The cold hard reality is, you can’t buy back time. Work out how you want to be remembered and most importantly, how you want to remember yourself.

Your real identity is a melting pot of values, beliefs, abilities, successes, setbacks, failures and previous experiences. Your real identity is also something that can’t be taken away from you.

Allocate 10 to 15 minutes over a coffee or peppermint tea and really think about that fundamental question – so, what do you do? Reflecting on who we are and how we want to be is a very important habit or skill that so many people forget or just never get around to when life is constantly on fast-forward. Happy reflecting…

‘Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans’. John Lennon

Andrew May is is considered Australia’s leading expert on performance and productivity and is the author of the bestselling book, Flip the Switch. Andrew speaks at conferences across the globe, mentors CEO’s and senior managers. He is published throughout national and international media, with regular segments on 2UE radio, Mix 106.5 Body and Soul and Channel Nine’s TODAY show.

By Maya Anderson

Chronic fatigue is a debilitating feature of illnesses but chronic fatigue syndrome itself is an illness and one that remains highly controversial. Sufferers are often labelled malingerers, while others think they are merely tired from lack of rest. But the major feature of the condition is continual, extreme fatigue that is not relieved with sleep. Other symptoms include sleep disorders, recurrent infection, forgetfulness, muscle soreness, joint pain, swollen lymph glands, confusion, depression and recurrent sore throat and headaches.

Coupled with the fact that many sufferers experience a lack of acceptance of their disease from their colleagues, family and friends, CFS can be severely life-changing, says Don Lewis, founder of the Chronic Fatigue Discovery program in Victoria.

“Not many die from it, although a number take their lives,” Dr Lewis said. “There is no cure for it. One may get better but the propensity for recurrence remains.”

However sufferers can feel in better health through the use of natural aids, says Natureco naturopath Samantha Warner. “Prolonged stress followed by viral infection, which switches off the cell ability to make energy, is best treated with nutrients and herbs for the immune and nervous system, such as vitamin C, zinc, astragalus, Echinacea, St John’s wort, licorice, Korean ginseng and antioxidants like Coenzyme Q10 and lipoic acid,” she said.

Because deficiencies of vitamin B, C and D were often causes of fatigue, taking these vitamins might help increase energy slightly, Ms Warner said.

The natural approach to the treatment of chronic fatigue syndrome sometimes involved a long and gentle process to slowly reboost the immune system and purge the body of toxins.

Detoxifying could be aided with herbs which supported kidney and liver function, such as dandelion, milk thistle, lavender and ginseng. A healthcare professional should be consulted first.

Taking a multi-vitamin to supplement lost vitamins could also help. Because many sufferers experience muscle pain and stiffness, magnesium could improve muscle function and might help eliminate soreness.

Establishing a regular bedtime might be of benefit and gentle restorative exercise such as tai chi, swimming, walking and yoga was advised, even though many people may not feel like it. “However anything too vigorous can be counter-productive,” Ms Warner warned.

In some cases, acupuncture, chiropractic treatment, massage and meditation had proved helpful in managing the syndrome. She suggested sufferers could find a picture from when they felt fit and healthy and use it as a positive image for visualisation and gratitude for good health. “It is important to remain hopeful rather than hopeless and fearful,” she said.

And if you don’t have chronic fatigue syndrome, prevention is better than cure. “The factors that will contribute to the recurrence, or the onset, of the illness are infection, excessive physical activity and excessive mental activity,” Dr Lewis said. “Therefore, if you become unwell, allow your body to recover from it.”

Maya Anderson
Email: maya.anderson@hotmail.com

By Fiona Cosgrove

We live in a world that values independence, autonomy and personal freedom and we look up to people who make quick decisions and never falter from their path.  These people often hold power and rarely have confidence crises.  Or so we presume?   But is this true?

The reality is that many of us juggle multiple roles in our overwhelmingly busy lives and are constantly trying to stay on top of everything, having little time for reflection or indeed (god forbid) mistakes.  We strive to live up to standards that are set in the media, by other people or by our own sense of perfectionism and drive to “succeed”.   It is important for us to be seen to be in control of our present, our past and of course our future, knowing exactly what our dreams, our desires and our strengths are.

But what about those times when the answer is not as clear, when the workload is overwhelming, when we have doubts about what we’re doing or why we’re doing it?  Yes, they exist for everyone.  But society does not encourage this display of weakness for after all, it is only worth winning when we have no doubts about the value of the prize.

We are all human and what makes is so is our ability to stand back and look at our foibles and our mistakes and think deeply about our reasons for doing anything at all.  But what happens when we do not allow ourselves the space and time to do this?  We become lost and isolated whilst moving in a crowded and busy life.  This isolation for many will lead to anxiety and depression unless we can recognize the need for time out and to ask for help.

A REQUEST FOR HELP DOES NOT MEAN THE SAME AS A CRY FOR HELP

Just because we would like the support,  opinions or ear  of others does not mean we have failed or are in some way deficient.  Asking for help is actually:

* Pro-active
* Respectful (of others’ expertise)
* Takes courage
* Inclusive (recognizes the need for others)
* Humble

As a coach, I am privileged to meet some of the most interesting and insightful people.   Over the years I have come to realize that the people who are willing to put trust in others and to admit they are “stuck” in a problem, or with a decision, are often the strongest and most courageous people around and a pleasure to work with.  Whether their need is for help with lifestyle changes, with direction in their career or relationship, or to gain clarity about their goals for the future, they all bring an honesty and willingness to change that is refreshing in today’s world of experts.

WHEN AND WHY IS APPROPRIATE TO ASK FOR HELP?

Life throws many challenging situations at us and we are constantly called upon to make decisions.  Some of these can impact our life greatly and also those of other people and we frequently find ourselves “stuck” or caught in ambivalence about which option to take.  But there are also times when we can’t see any way forward and would benefit by being able to see that there are always choices.  With the complexity of our lives today,  no one area is exempt from the occasional stress of not knowing what to do next.  Consider:

Work-related areas
Am I enjoying my job and if not what should I be dong about it?
Do I need to change career or can I make changes in my current situation?

Relationships
Am I giving my relationship the attention it deserves?   Can I do anything differently that will improve things at work/home?
I would like to find someone to share my life with.  Am I allowing this to be possible?  What do I need in a partner?
Should I stay in my current relationship?
How can I relate better to my kid/family?

Leisure
Am I spending enough time on activities I enjoy and become absorbed in?  Have I forgotten how to switch off?  How can I change this situation which has become a bad habit?

Health and fitness
My work and personal life is great but I am carrying too much weight and don’t know where to start to change things.  I need help with a plan and something that will work for me.
I am constantly feeling tired and can’t work out why this is happening.  How can I pinpoint the major problem?

Financial
Am I following the best plan?  Should I be investing in a different way?  Will I have enough to live on after retirement?  What is really important to me for the future?

And the list goes on.

WHEN WE ASK FOR HELP, IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT WE DON’T ALREADY HAVE THE ANSWER

What regularly becomes apparent when we are on the receiving end of a “request for help” conversation is that the person rarely wants the answer given to them.  What they really need is a safe space to consider all aspects of the situation and time to work out what they really want, what their options are and which is the best to take.  Sometimes they just need to create a plan.  And very often they simply need a sounding board or a “mirror” held up for them to see the position clearer.  As a friend or a coach, we can do this but frequently fall into the trap of thinking we need to give them the solution to their problem.

HOW CAN WE BEST HELP OTHERS?

If we think of carrying a flashlight to these conversations, it can be a great reminder for what will be of most use to our friend, our colleague, our client – or even our family.  When we shine the flashlight on certain aspects of the situation, we make it come into focus and encourage the person to look more closely at that aspect.  This symbolic flashlight might come on when certain words are used, or when something is glossed over or when everything seems too complex and it is useful to concentrate on one part of the story.  The methaphorical “flashlight” is much more useful to carry than a repair kit or first aid box.  When we learn how to help others in an effective and respectful manner two things happen, we let go of responsibility for that person’s life and we become much more willing to ask for help ourselves.

Everyone likes to help people but there are ways of doing it that are more useful than others.  In giving assistance, we gain feelings of contentment and satisfaction. It feels even better when that person comes up with their own solution and we have simply been a catalyst or sounding board.  So next time we struggle with a dilemma, why not give the privilege to someone and seek help from an appropriate source?

Fiona Cosgrove has over 20 years experience in the wellness & fitness industry - owning and managing clubs in Australia and Asia, including No 1 Martin Place, NSW Fitness Centre of the Year, 2006. Fiona is the author of Coach Yourself to Wellness and she regularly runs corporate seminars and workshops in the areas of healthy lifestyle, motivation and wellness.

By Adam Fraser

The top selling book in Australia at the moment is “The brain that changes itself”; which is all about how the brain can alter its structure. Up until a couple of years ago it was thought that the brain was set and we could not alter how it was configured. What we now know is that the brain is very plastic and is constantly remodeling itself.  The key to changing how your brain is wired is to change how you use it.

The brain is made up of a series of neural connections, which are simply a group of brains cells that work together. Every action, feeling and thought has a specific neural connection that makes that action, feeling and thought possible. As I sit here typing this article a series of neural connections fire to make my fingers select the right keys in the right order. When we feel anger and act inappropriately it is once again due to the triggering of a set number of brain cells acting as a team. Similarly, the way the brain stores information is that when we learn something new, say a word in French, a number of neurons are dedicated to that one piece of information and they are encoded with it. If you never revisit that word, over time those neurons split up and go off and fulfill other jobs. However if you regularly go over the word, that pattern will be re-enforced and the neural connection will be cemented down.

Think about when you were learning how to drive. If you started in a manual car chances are you would have been terrible – bunny hopping and crunching gears. The reason is that there was no neural pattern in your brain for driving; your brain simply wasn’t set up for it. You would also notice that it took a lot of effort and concentration to drive. Now, reflect on the last time you drove home? Did you think about it? No, you just drove home. Why? Because the neural pattern of driving is so engrained you don’t even have to think about it.

Strong neural patterns are like freeways in your brain, solid, deep, wide and easy to travel on. Weak neural patterns are like dirt roads narrow, shaky and difficult to travel down. It is simply easier for our brain to use the freeways and because of this they tend to direct the traffic down that route.

We are all born with certain talents and skills as well as a thinking style and an emotional bias. Some people are good at sports; some people are great at music; others are optimistic; some handle stress easily, while others fly off the handle when the slightest thing goes wrong. Think of these natural tendencies as freeways. Unfortunately humans tend to focus on the things they are good at and shy away from things that they struggle with. If we take music lessons and we don’t pick it up easily we will quit after a short period of time. All this does is reinforce our natural abilities or put another way, the freeways in our brain get all the traffic. The good news is that we can develop the dirt roads, it just takes time and effort.

Back to the driving analogy, driving starts out as a dirt road but with consistent practice and time it turns into a freeway. Neural plasticity does not only apply to motor skills. Studies have shown that pessimists (people who have a lot of freeways for negative thoughts) can alter their brain so that it begins to have a tendency for optimism. How did they do this? Normally when an event occurred they naturally thought a pessimist thought, however this time they recognised that thought, challenged it and then chose to think of it in an optimistic light. In other words they put a detour sign on their freeway and directed the traffic down the dirt road. After enough time of doing this, the dirt road starts to get wider, smoother and easier to drive on. In the meantime the freeways starts to get cracks in it and it loses its structure.

Martin Seligman took children who had a natural style of pessimism. Each evening he got their parents to ask the children 3 questions:

* What did you do really well today?

* What did you really enjoy today?

* What are you looking forward to tomorrow?

Over a period to time they found that the children started to have a bias for optimism. They simply changed their dirt roads into freeways.

How do we do this?

* Choose a behaviour, belief or thinking style that you want to change.

* Start to recognize when you do this behaviour, belief or thinking style.

* Challenge it and introduce a new behaviour, belief or thinking style.

* Reinforce this pattern, over and over.

The difficulty with this is that it takes effort, but when was the last time that something worthwhile was easy?

Case study

Gordon Cairns was the CEO of Lion Nathan. In 1997 the company was losing market share and the share price was dropping.

The HR department did a 360-degree feedback (where people at different levels give feedback on your behaviour) on the leadership team.

The results of the feedback showed that Cairns had a very aggressive/defensive style, he wielded power, was a perfectionist, demanding, task orientated and did not see value in staff development or culture. This attitude seeped down into his leadership team who mimicked his behaviour.

The HR manager Bob Barbour called them on their behaviour and said, “Your behaviour needs to change.” Can you imagine what he would have faced? However he stood his ground and this was obviously very confronting for the leadership team. Over time they realised that in order for the organization to change, they had to change. They took personal responsibility and accountability for their behaviour. With coaching, they started to instill a new culture around a style of education and encouragement. The result was a shift in their constructive styles, an increase of 53%. Cairns went from a tyrant to an empathetic and thoughtful leader.

When asked how he made this leap, Gordon Cairns gave the following advice.

Step 1: Get feedback on your behaviour

Step 2: Park your ego and take that feedback on board without being offended

Step 3: Have a clear idea of what behaviours you want.

Step 4: Get help – coaches, consultants, books etc.

Step 5: Keep measuring

Step 6: Understand that relapse is normal.
A great example of neural plasticity!