by Kate James

‘The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realise that you control your own destiny.’ Albert Ellis

Over the years I’ve worked with many clients who have reached a point where they feel they can go no further in their careers or in life in general. They feel completely stuck. It’s only when they look more closely that they come to realise that what stands in their way is their own inclination to sabotage success.

Most of the ways that we self sabotage are unconscious. The characteristics that come into play are those that Carl Jung referred to when he spoke of our ’shadow’. All of us have degrees of every personality trait possible - some we are comfortable to own, others we’re not. Our shadow includes both the parts of ourselves that we disown (and generally dislike in others) as well as those that we admire in others (but are too modest to claim for ourselves). Simply put, Jung’s philosophy is that in order to grow we must confront our shadow and begin to embrace and make peace with all of our character traits.

This process requires courage and commitment and is often best accompanied by working with a professional but you can begin on your own. Start by paying attention to the styles of self sabotage you favour. Once you become aware of these otherwise unconscious thoughts, you have the opportunity to challenge them with your inner dialogue (more about this in next month’s newsletter).

Blaming

This method of self sabotage is pretty self explanatory. You believe that your circumstances are not your fault. Whilst it’s possible that there is some degree of truth in this, blaming leaves you feeling powerless. Blaming often goes hand in hand with a ‘victim’ mentality which is equally disempowering. Ultimately, you are the only person who has the ability to change your situation. When you begin to take responsibility, you feel better about yourself and more in control of your life.

Likely self talk: ‘I can’t help it’; ‘It’s their fault’; ‘Things are just really hard for me’.

Procrastination

How many times do you repeatedly put off an unpleasant task? The most common are doing your tax, tidying your desk/wardrobe/garage, getting your finances in order, starting an exercise program or a healthy eating regime. Procrastination is a very popular method of self sabotage.

Likely self talk: ‘I don’t have the time’; ‘I’m too tired’; ‘The time isn’t right’.

Over Committing/Overwhelm

Many people over commit themselves. They say yes to everything and then find themselves feeling completely overwhelmed (and quite often resentful). This method of self sabotage often helps you to avoid your ‘real’ goals (the ones that would bring you the most fulfilment if you were brave enough to pursue them) by distracting you with a range of incidental activities.

Likely self talk: ‘They need me - I can’t say no’; ‘I’m the only one who will do the job well’; ‘I just like to stay busy’.

Lack of Self Belief

This is quite possibly the most popular method of all. Like all others, it is also a self fulfilling prophecy. The less you believe in yourself, the less likely you are to take on new challenges and the more likely you are to believe you are unworthy of great things.

Likely self talk: ‘I’m not good enough’; ‘No one will want me’; ‘I’m too tall; too short; too heavy; too unattractive; not interesting or not smart enough’.

Unclear Goals/Lack of Direction

This is a difficult area to tackle as it generally presents as an overall sense of confusion. Not being clear about what you want in life is often connected to not wanting to make the wrong choices.

Likely self talk: ‘I don’t know what I want’; ‘Nothing interests me’; ‘What if I get it wrong?’.

With all of the above methods of self sabotage, the first step is to notice your dominant style. Most of us use more than one so begin by just becoming aware of your self talk. If you feel ready to challenge that thinking, find a way to reframe your original thought, for example ‘I’m not good enough’ could become ‘I’m as good as I need to be to give this a go’.

ON A PERSONAL NOTE

I think I can safely say that I’ve dabbled in most of these methods of self sabotage at some point in time in my life. These days ‘over committing’ is probably my favourite. I find it helpful to acknowledge this on a regular basis even though it’s an ongoing challenge to change.

I’ve been a little more disciplined at taking on less over the past few weeks…it’s so much easier when you’re on holiday.

We had our usual stint at my sister’s beach house which was beautifully relaxing. Then both of the girls went away with friends for a week so Chris and I had the house to ourselves. We lazed around for a few more days before starting our planned painting project. We’re not talking fun, arty painting here but house and fence painting. Not that I really minded…once you have all of the right equipment, it is actually quite therapeutic.

I put the iPod on and listened again to David Whyte’s ‘Clear Mind, Wild Heart’ CDs (http://bit.ly/IL8e) which I adore. I made quiche and frittata with the leftover ham, baked almond bread and bought delicious white nectarines so we had lovely food whenever we stopped for a break. I relished the feeling of physical tiredness at the end of each day - I haven’t slept so well in years.

And now the front of the house looks fresh and clean so it has been well worth the effort. Now we just have three sides to go so the new challenge for me is to keep enough time free to get it finished.
‘Kate James is a work life balance coach, writer and speaker. She works with professional people who want to enhance their quality of life by making the right career and life choices. You can find Kate at www.totalbalance.com.au.’

By Andrew May

Remember the ‘monster mobiles’ we used in the late 80’s and early 90’s? I remember back in high school when Mum and Dad were having a cuppa and sponge cake, proudly looking over the finished plans that had been dropped in by Macka the builder. ‘What’s he like?’ I asked, taking a huge bite. ‘Really successful,’ replied Mum. ‘He’s got a mobile phone’.

Today’s mobile phone is faster, lighter, stronger and more convergent than ever before. Not only do we use them to talk and text, they are a digital camera, movie camera, diary, phone book, GPS, radio, MP3 player, web browser, data storage device, encyclopedia, alarm clock, Dictaphone, personal organizer, flash light and a whole lot more.

Now don’t get me wrong, mobiles used wisely are a great productivity tool. But more and more people from teenagers to the twilight years are showing signs and symptoms of mobile addiction.

Are you a mobile addict?

1.    Do you get anxious if you don’t get an instant response to an SMS?

2.    Does the thought of turning your mobile off send you into a shiver?

3.    When you go out to dinner, do you sit the mobile on the table in front of you?

4.    Do you feel unloved if your phone doesn’t ring, ding or zing for a few hours?

5.    When you hop off a plane or finish a movie, is the first thing you do to check your phone?
If you answered YES to any of the above – you may just suffer from mobile mania.

Mobiles in Australia

Researchers at the Queensland University of Technology (QUT) led a study on mobile phone addiction. They found the average Australian spends an hour a day making calls and sending text messages. 22% of respondents were classified as ‘heavy’ or ‘very heavy’ users spending up to 4 hours or more a day on their mobiles. Interestingly, only 11% of phone time measured in the survey was related to business.

Mobiles around the world

•    2 billion people worldwide are now hooked on to a mobile phone

•    Half the people in the world are expected to have mobiles in the next 2 years

•    4 out of 10 young adults in Spain are considered mobile phone addicts

•    48% of Spaniards between 18 and 25 spend more than 4 hours a day talking and texting

•    In South Korea, where 40.2M people from a total population of 49M have mobiles, the government is considering a ‘curfew’ limiting the amount of time teenagers spend on their phones

•    Orange Tree Theatre in London has a zero tolerance policy to mobiles going off during productions and has a bonus waiting for the first actor to lead the entire cast off stage until the offender has been ejected from the theatre

•    A Scandinavian chauffeur booked himself into a clinic for SMS addiction after his habit left him sending more than 300 text messages a day

•    Psychologists are predicting mobile addiction will become one of the biggest issues over the next 5 years

Symptoms of mobile addiction

While the 5 questions were a bit of fun, hard core mobile addicts will tend to neglect obligations and even important activities like work or study, can drift apart from family and friends, send and answer messages throughout the night and the thought of switching off their phone can even cause anxiety. They also tend to suffer more from sleep disorders and sleeplessness. The majority of mobile phone addicts have low self esteem and feel the urge to be constantly in contact with other people via their metallic mobile devices.

What about teenagers?

Mobile addiction is becoming more and more of a problem for teenagers. Discovering whether or not your child is a mobile addict is not an easy task. It’s much easier to see if someone is sitting at their computer for 8 hours a day. Reasonable use of mobiles can be positive for social development, yet too much can lead to withdrawal and decreased face to face contact. It is a good idea for parents to be proactive and monitor their child’s mobile usage.

Mobile mantra

1.    Practice turning your mobile off when at movies or sporting events – you don’t need it on 24/7

2.    When you do need to concentrate or finish a project quickly – turn your mobile off to avoid interruptions

3.    Go out to dinner with your loved ones, family, or friends – not your mobile. Turn it onto silent and put it in your pocket, not on the table!

4.    Set some mobile hours – learn to turn it off at night

5.    Don’t sleep with your message alert on – this can wake you up throughout the night and cause disrupted sleep patterns

6.    If you do need to have your mobile on keep the ring tone on a quiet setting – the whole world doesn’t need to know that your phone is ringing!

7.    Try going mobile free for a day or two – you might even enjoy the peace and silence.

Andrew May is is considered Australia’s leading expert on performance and productivity and is the author of the bestselling book, Flip the Switch. Andrew speaks at conferences across the globe, mentors CEO’s and senior managers. He is published throughout national and international media, with regular segments on 2UE radio, Mix 106.5 Body and Soul and Channel Nine’s TODAY show.

By Dr. Tim Sharp

People experience anxiety in many different ways. Some people are prone to feeling stressed and rush around busily every day. Others might be very disabled by their anxiety, feeling so fearful that it is hard for them to leave their home. There are many different types of anxiety problems. Common to most types of anxiety are four main components: (1) the emotional response (the feeling of anxiety), (2) the physical response (bodily reactions), (3) worrisome thoughts, and (4) changes in behaviour, most typically avoidance of the feared situation.

The feeling of anxiety is necessary for our everyday survival. If we did not have this feeling then we would find it difficult to cope with real threats in our environment. Just imagine if you walked out onto the road and suddenly noticed a car coming. You would need some kind of “alarm system” so that you could protect yourself. Anxiety is a tool our body uses to warn us of potential danger and alert our bodies to spring into action and defend ourselves. When we are faced with a threat we need to be able to fight off the threat or run away from it. A system in our bodies called the “fight or flight” response is activated at such times. This produces many physical changes so that we can defend ourselves. The primary aim of this response is to pump blood to the major muscles so that they are “primed” for action. This is why people who feel anxious often experience sensations such as increased heart rate, over-breathing, muscle tension, headaches, sweating, shaking, wobbly legs, tingling limbs, and nausea. These are just some of the sensations associated with the fight or flight response.

This is all perfectly normal and necessary. However, at the same time, anxiety can become a problem when the threat in the environment is not obvious or if the strength of the response to the threat is not compatible with the severity of the threat. It is also a problem if the physical feelings associated with anxiety are  interpreted as harmful and viewed by the person experiencing anxiety as an indication of a serious physical problem. When this occurs, people can experience very distressing feelings of “panic”. Anxiety is definitely a problem if it is prolonged and interferes with a person’s life.

Common types of anxiety include:

·      A fear of something specific, for example a phobia of heights, blood, or spiders.

·      A fear of humiliating or embarrassing oneself in public or a fear of having someone scrutinize and criticise you.

·      A fear of serious physical illness, or panic about something harmful happening to oneself or loved ones. This could include a fear of having a heart attack or going crazy or a fear of contamination.

·      A fear of being trapped or a fear of not being able to escape from situations which are considered to be dangerous. This can lead to avoidance of such situations.

·      Ongoing thoughts or feelings associated with a traumatic life-threatening event that occurred in the past.

·      General worry about things - a constant feeling of uneasiness and difficulty relaxing.

·      A constant preoccupation with something that is very stressful.

·      Performance of certain unusual behaviours, perhaps rituals, to help alleviate the anxiety. Not everyone suffering from anxiety experiences all of these different types. Often the anxiety is about something specific.

What can I do if I’m feeling anxious?

The first thing you need to do is to tell yourself that because you are human it is normal to feel anxious from time to time. Everyone feels anxious at times. It is usually a healthy sign that your body is able to protect itself.

However, if it is very distressing or if it has been interfering significantly in your life, then you might benefit from discussing it with a professional. It is very common for people to need to see someone about their anxiety. Anxiety problems are very prevalent in the community. They are also usually very treatable.

Often when people are suffering from an anxiety problem they can also become quite depressed about it. It is often useful to talk to someone about how you are feeling, and get some help with the depression as well as the anxiety.

One option is to see your GP, and to discuss medication. Generally however, medication is not necessary. It is advisable to be cautious about taking medications for anxiety as these medications can be addictive and can have unpleasant side-effects. Furthermore, there are other effective ways of learning how to cope with anxiety. A clinical psychologist, for example, can help you to overcome your worries without drugs.

What can a clinical psychologist do about my anxiety?

A clinical psychologist will start by listening to your concerns. He or she will ask some questions about your anxiety and about some of the things that have happened in your life, especially things that have happened recently which might have contributed to your feelings of anxiety. During the first session, the clinical psychologist will discuss with you what your best options for treatment are, and what interventions might be necessary. If both of you agree on treatment, the clinical psychologist will work with you closely and help you to develop skills in managing your anxiety. Most clinical psychologists practice cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) which is proven to be a highly effective treatment for anxiety conditions. In essence, this approach involves helping people to (1) develop ways to change unhelpful behaviour patterns (such as developing strategies for gradually decreasing avoidance of feared situations, and learning relaxation techniques), (2) modify unhelpful and worrisome thinking patterns, and (3) work through current problems in life that might be contributing to your anxiety. It is a relatively short-term treatment approach which usually occurs over a few weeks. The length of time and the specific format of treatment will depend on your individual concerns. It is important to realise that CBT is a very effective intervention.

Dr. Sharp is one of Australia’s leaders in the exciting new science of positive psychology and happiness. In short, he is one of this country’s leading Executive Coaches, a highly qualified consultant on matters relating to human behaviour and psychology (particularly the application of positive psychology principles within organisations and teams) and a sought after public/corporate speaker. For more information please emailinfo@thehappinessinstitute or visit The Happiness Institute

By Dr. Tim Sharp

It’s important to recognise that no-one has 100% control over their lives. Even if this were possible (which it isn’t), it’s probably not even desirable as it would mean a very boring existence. What we do have, however, is the ability to change some things that would be better changed, or at the very least, change the way we think about things that cannot be changed.

This fact sheet is aimed at helping you make decisions.

Although there are no simple answers, the following steps should help you take a sensible and practical, as well as relatively structured approach, which will markedly increase your chances of making positive progress and effectively dealing with, or even overcoming the presenting problem.

1. What really is the nature of the decision you have to make?

This is not always as obvious as it might sound. Stop and think about what you’re really trying to determine.

2. Consider all of the available options… and I mean all of them!

Too many people only ever think about, and thereby try one alternative. The more options you consider, the greater your chances of finding an effective solution.

3. Weigh up the pros and cons (advantages and disadvantages) of each option

Do so in a calm and balanced manner. That is, try to think as realistically as you can about the consequences (good and bad, short- and long-term) of implementing any of the options you’re considering.

4. Assess the options again and choose the best one

When you’re trying to decide which option is best, you need to ask yourself which one is best for YOU, NOW. This might not be the best option for someone else, and  it might not even be the best option for you in twelve months’ time (or twelve months ago).

5. Do something

Once you’ve made your decision, act on it. Effective decision-making is more than just a contemplative process. It needs to lead to action (in most cases) or else little will change.

6. And finally, review the outcome

Making a decision is not, in many cases, the end of the process. In fact, it’s often just the start, as one decision will have consequences which will often then require further decisions. For a really great outcome you need to assess the efficacy of your actions and then repeat the process (starting at steps one, two, three, four or even five, depending on your assessment).

Note: this approach is most effective if conducted with pen and paper

That is, instead of trying to do all of the above in your head (where issues can easily become muddled and confused) write down your answers/responses to each of the above questions/steps.

Additional tip: don’t always feel you need to do this on your own

Decision-making can often be made easier by involving a trusted friend, colleague or family member. In more significant cases, you might even consider seeking professional help. Remember… a problem shared is a problem halved!

Dr. Sharp is one of Australia’s leaders in the exciting new science of positive psychology and happiness. In short, he is one of this country’s leading Executive Coaches, a highly qualified consultant on matters relating to human behaviour and psychology (particularly the application of positive psychology principles within organisations and teams) and a sought after public/corporate speaker. For more information please emailinfo@thehappinessinstitute or visit The Happiness Institute

By Maya Anderson

Looking for something that will offer you guidance, teach you inner strength and tolerate others? Perth-based psychotherapist Katie Altham’s book on archetypes could be the tool you need. Maya Anderson investigates and gets her personality profiled.

When Perth-based psychotherapist, inspirational speaker and author Katie Altham agreed to analyse my personality for this story, I was intrigued to see how a stranger would analyse and describe me. Secretly, I mused that perhaps to strangers I came across as an enigmatic figure; dark, silent and mysterious… possibly wearing a cape. But when Ms Altham sent me her reading, I was flabbergasted. How could a woman I didn’t even know read me so well? It is because of my archetypes.

First defined by Carl Jung, archetypes are compulsive personality traits with both light and dark, or ‘shadow’, characteristics. “We’re born with them, though how we’re nurtured greatly impacts their expression in our lives,” Ms Altham says. “Every archetype has two sides, one with light traits; our gifts and talents, and the other our shadow traits; our challenges, self-destructive patterns and lessons.” These may include bossiness, obsessiveness, sulking or suspiciousness. “Our shadow traits are all the things we wouldn’t mention on the first date or put on our resume for a job!” Ms Altham says.

She lists 108 archetypes in her wonderfully detailed to me Who Am I? – An Archetypal Quest. “From that selection, everyone chooses their unique combination of 13 that names every aspect of their personality.” You can discover yours by answering yes or no to questions in the book – if you answer yes to four of the questions for that prototype, you probably have it.

Types range from leaders, romantics, athletes, parents, artists, arrogants, hedonists, nurturers, philosophers, foodies, geniuses and spiritualists, to name just a few. “We all know what a princess, queen, teacher, mother, soldier, manager and gypsy are like – they’re archetypes,” Ms Altham says. “Children from as young as six years understand them. They’re in every book, TV show, drama, movie and myth in life.”

According to Ms Altham, I am a storyteller (fitting for a journalist), Artemis (the animal and nature lover), Apollo (the ambitious perfectionist) and the master slave (oops, perhaps my workaholic tendencies shone through.) She’d described me to a tee. But why learn what archetypes you have?

“Understanding who we are, warts and all, helps us to let go of trying to be people we’re not,” Ms Altham says. “When we learn that our shadow represents what we’ve come to learn in life, we judge ourselves and others much less harshly.”

Archetypes can provide you with a sense of self, direction and confidence and help you recognise inner talents. “They name our soul’s DNA, life purpose and validate our dreams.” Depression and addictions are often symbolic of people who have lost their sense of self – “soul sickness”, Ms Altham calls it. “To be happy in life we need to know who we are and have a focus or purpose.”

Discovering your archetypes can also aid with relationships and parenting. “To recognise who our friends, partners and children are means we stop trying to change them to be what we want them to be,” Ms Altham says. Being able to recognise your child’s archetypes means you can understand them better and help them form a stronger sense of identity.

Personality profiling can also help in the workplace. Ms Altham is currently sharing her knowledge with recruitment agencies and human resource managers to work out individuals’ innate talents and strengths and better match staff to jobs that fully utilise their skills. “The happier we are, the more efficient and motivated, and the more likely we are to show initiative.”

When we become trapped by the shadow parts of our archetype and don’t know where to turn, the light sides can provide faith or advice for how to deal with unpleasant situations. Her book contains a body, mind, heart and soul map that can be used with your unique set of archetypes to answer difficult questions.

Want to discover your archetypes? Check out Ms Altham’s book Who Am I? An Archetypal Quest or visit her website www.archetrek.com.

Why learn your archetypes?
-    Enhance sense of self
-    Judge yourself and others less
-    Discover your potential and talents
-    Improve confidence and self-understanding
-    Provides advice when in bad patches
-    Find a job that suits you

Maya Anderson is a full-time freelance journalist who specialises in health, fitness, nutrition and wellbeing issues. To contact Maya, email maya.anderson@hotmail.com

By Tony Wilson

We like to improve.  You might not realise, but being able to achieve is a major factor in your happiness at work.  Research from Harvard Business School suggests that one of the pervasive elements of a miserable job is when people are not allowed to achieve and develop and progress.  Our first thought is to blame our managers, but, as strenuous as this may sound, you should actively look for ways to improve if you want to enjoy your job a little more.

It is so true - all you need to do is look at a child’s development years from one to six years old to see that we are learning machines.  And what’s more, learning is fun – just look at the delight in the eyes of that very child who has just caught a ball for the first time, or just realised how to get the square peg into the square hole.  What about the last time you went travelling?  Didn’t you just love learning about the intricacies of the culture, the history and (possibly) the language?  We like to learn and we like to achieve.

Why does learning seem boring?

We are conditioned to believe that learning is boring.  A few years ago I went back to University to do my MBA.  There I was, first day back, desperate to get into it, full of energy and enthusiasm.  The lecturer introduced himself, the lights went down, the PowerPoint presentation came up………….and I started falling asleep.

The content wasn’t bad, and I wasn’t overly tired, but I have been conditioned from an early age to believe that this environment is boring.  Something inside of me switches off automatically.  You would be hard pressed to find a teenager in school who thinks that learning is fun, right?  There is some research to suggest that our rate of learning and our ability to learn declines dramatically a couple of years into school.  Isn’t that odd?  The very institution that is supposed to be teaching us actually contributes to the decline in our learning.

Why Learning Sucks

When we are developing as children, learning is fun.  It is unstructured and it is done on our own terms.  But then we begin learning in a structured environment, which doesn’t seem like much fun at all.  Despite the efforts of most well intentioned teachers, they are not professional speakers, and while they try to impart their knowledge the best way they know how, it is rarely engaging.  You can probably count the teachers you really liked on a couple of fingers and I bet you they were engaging – either naturally or self-taught.  The bottom line is, after a couple of years of doing this every day, we decide that learning and developing is boring.

What’s more, achieving is hard work, not fun.  We are told this every day and again it is what we believe.  Getting better, finding ways to do our job more efficiently and trying new things is hard and they are only for crazy people or that Energiser Bunny that sits in the far cubicle.

But the fact remains, that we do like to achieve.  Even if you know someone who doesn’t care about their job or how they perform, even if you are sure they just turn up every day to go through the motions, I will guarantee that they get some satisfaction out of crossing things off their to-do-list, or clearing their inbox, or getting a “well done” from the boss.

Look for ways to improve:

You have the opportunity everyday to engage in unstructured learning on your own terms.  Ask yourself these questions:
“How can I do my job better?”
“What is something that I can change today in order to be more efficient?”
“What are the small things I can do every day to get some sense of achievement?”
“What are the things I hate doing?  Why?  How can I change that?”
I guarantee that if you find just one thing that you can change today - something that will make you better at your job – you will immediately feel the buzz.
And what an amazing by-product………if you find the right thing to change, it will actually make your life easier.

Tony Wilson is the founder of Teamcorp Australia, and has spent over a decade working with elite performers in business and in sport. His ability to help athletes reach their potential and maintain motivation has been a large factor in their success, and many corporate leaders throughout Australia now also apply Tony’s philosophies with outstanding results. Tony’s practical background, coupled with an MBA, give him a unique perspective on personal and team performance.

By Fiona Cosgrove

What is worrying all about?

The very word “worry” makes many of us worried.  We know we have the tendency to do too much of it and we have a guilty assumption that it is a waste of time, at best, and a destructive, confidence-killing habit at best.

What is worry?

Worrying is what we do when we turn things over in our minds and explore different outcomes to situations – we usually fixate on the negative outcome rather than the positive outcome - otherwise it would no longer be worrying.  We then imagine what else (bad) could happen if that negative outcome were to occur.  It’s a way of exploring and anticipating what could go wrong and in a way can help us mentally prepare for the worst!   The words, “but what if..?” are frequently formulated in Worry Time.

The main reason for worrying receiving such bad press is the belief that it doesn’t change a situation and only stops us sleeping or doing something more productive with our lives.

But can worrying be productive?

If you revisit the statement above that contains the word “explore”, we start to see worry in a different light.   Imagine if we were never to worry and managed to block all slightly distressing thoughts from our minds.  When unfavourable events happened (as they do from time to time) we would be ill-prepared to deal with them.  So perhaps we need to refine our worry so that it becomes a something of value to us.  Perhaps a lesson in worrying constructively might be of use?

Sports psychologist  Dr. David Krauss believes that daily practice in worrying is advisable.  He encourages his top athletes to worry “on their terms” rather than being the victim of anxiety. In his book, “Mastering the Inner game” he  suggests setting time aside each day to worry.  Do the job, tick the box and get on with the rest of your day.

So how do we worry constructively?

First, identify the main issue  or issues that are causing concern.  Sometimes we think we are worrying about one thing but it hides something bigger.  If we can identify the value underneath the area of worry, it will help us focus on what the emotions it’s producing – usually anxiety – and we can give it our full attention. So let’s say we worry about not meeting a deadline.  The real fear behind this could be the realization that our motivation to complete the task is not that strong, which could mean that we don’t enjoy our job.  And if we face up to that fact, it might then necessitate some greater, scarier decisions.

Worrie is associated with anxiety.    By recognising anxiety and sitting with it for a while, we avoid blocking the fear with worry.  Worry is a generic, dull feeling and hard to put aside.

Tools we can use:

When we have identified the real fear we can then test its validity.  For example,
•    I am afraid I am going to lose my job?
•    What will happen if I do lose my job?
•    What would that open up for me?  What would I need to do?
•    Is there anything I can do now to either a) prevent losing my job or b) prepare myself for the next action required if I do?

Worry sometimes goes hand in hand with indecision and procrastination

If you find yourself in that uncomfortable place, try coming up with the age-old  list of pros and cons. In coaching we call it a Decisional Balance as it provides a list that highlights the negatives and positives of taking a certain action.  When they are written down, they are often easier to evaluate and assess.  And guess what?  When they’re on paper, they are usually not scurrying around our head in a scrambled (worrying) fashion.  This is a great way of problem solving but worrying is a bit different.  We often worry about things that we have no control over at all.  That is a waste of time unless it produces actions that we can take that will improve the situation.

In our daily worry time we can aim to have an action plan that concentrates on things we can do that will reduce the anxiety.  So change your thinking.  Instead of worrying about how much you are worrying, make your worry work for you!

Fiona Cosgrove has over 20 years experience in the wellness & fitness industry - owning and managing clubs in Australia and Asia, including No 1 Martin Place, NSW Fitness Centre of the Year, 2006. Fiona is the author of Coach Yourself to Wellness and she regularly runs corporate seminars and workshops in the areas of healthy lifestyle, motivation and wellness.

By Dr. Adam Fraser

Why do some people achieve greatness and others get left floundering behind. Psychologists have determined that the ability to get into FLOW is one of the most important aspects of high performance. FLOW is also know as being “In the Zone”, it is a state where everything seems easy, you are very efficient, there is zero stress and you feel invigorated after it.

When I was working with elite athletes at the AIS and in America, special forces soldiers, some high profile people in the entertainment industry and more recently with high performers in corporate organizations, I noticed that these high performers regularly go into this FLOW state.

So how do we get more of it? The good news is that it is not all about talent, ability and potential, it’s more to do with how people execute on a daily basis. One of the most important principles that help you get into FLOW is the ability to focus deeply on the tasks that you perform. When you are deeply focused you have a greater chance of slipping into FLOW.

However as a society we are losing our ability to focus. It seems like the whole world has ADHD. There are three main reasons for this.

1. Attention deficit habit (ADH) - ADH is a condition where the habits in our day are sapping our ability to focus. For example most people leave their email open and every time it alerts us to a new email we stop what we are doing and we go off and check it. Also we leave our phone on constantly during the day even when we are writing a report or meeting with someone. These habits actually set ourselves up to be distracted and train us to have poor focus.

2. Information Obesity – This is the result of shifting from a physical economy to a digital economy. We are overloaded with information and we have so much information coming at us we don’t have to focus on one thing for too long before something else will come and take our attention away. A recent report released by Proud Foot consulting said that information overload was responsible for a 10% decrease in productivity.

3. Multi-tasking - The greatest enemy of focus is this idea of multitasking, multitasking suggests that you can focus on many things at once. Reality is multi tasking is a very inefficient process and in reality all you are doing is focusing poorly on a number of tasks rather than focusing well on one thing. So what is the solution how do we improve our focus?

Well there are three simple techniques we can use to have the focus of a high performer.

1. Control Your Environment. Set up your external world to support focus, turn off the email, turn the phone off, and educate your staff on when you are not to be interrupted. Push back on the environment, don’t be a slave to your environment.

2. Formal Practice. An example of a formal practice is meditation. Years ago I thought that meditation was tree hugging, hippie stuff, however a huge amount of evidence shows that meditation has a beneficial impact on our cognitive ability. In its purest form meditation is about calming the mind and focusing on one task, this ability will translate into work.

3. Be Present. During the day practice focusing your attention on what ever is in front of you. Lose yourself in what ever you are doing. If you are writing a report focus entirely on that report without thinking of the other things you need to do later in the day. Likewise if you are having a conversation with someone totally immerse yourself in that conversation don’t let your mind drift. So often we have conversations and we are not really present. Business is built on relationships, the greatest complement you can give another person is your undivided attention. However we all have a highly tuned BS detector, and we know when people are not truly engaged with us. Some people believe that being present is the key to team building. Companies spend millions of dollars a year getting people to build better relationships within an organization. They usually spend this money on personality profiling, isn’t the first step getting them to engage and be present with each other? In addition some psychologist are now talking about the concept that people are creating fewer and fewer memories. The reason for this is that memories are created in the present and the fact that most people are either obsessing about the past or worrying about the future means that they are not laying down current memories. How sad!

This is the first step towards high performance. Go forth and focus!!!

“Dr Adam Fraser is one of Australia’s leading educators, researchers and thought leaders in the area of human performance! In this time he has worked with elite level athletes, the armed forces and business professionals of all levels. Check out his websites www.dradamfraser.com & www.theglucoseclub.com.au.”

By Michael Licenblat

Do you become stressed when you don’t succeed in achieving what you want?  The very reason why failure and setbacks damages so many egos, breaks so many hearts, and steals so many dreams may lie in how resilient you are to pressure.

Resilience is characterized as being able to adapt to, and bounce back from, tough situations without compromising your objective.  Being able to bounce back quickly from any setback, instead of dwelling in self-pity, allows you to get on with your life and keep working towards your target.

So, how do you develop resilience to the emotional stress of setbacks and failure?

When you cut yourself, your body instantly goes to work to clot the blood, seal the wound and fight any infection.  If you break a bone, you body immediately goes to work on protecting the area with inflammation, healing the bone tissue, and restoring circulation.  Your body is innately resilient and bounces back from setbacks because it adapts itself to restore balance and health.

In nature, the willow is a strong, resilient tree that can tolerate strong weather conditions because it bends easily in the wind without breaking.   It adapts to its environment in order to not just survive, but thrive.

The degree to which your mind is able to adapt, and rise above, your setbacks, instead of getting sucked into self-pity, will determine how quickly you bounce back and get on with your life.  Here’s how you can use your mind to bounce back from any setback with glory…

Focus on the upside

Why does a setback hurt so much?  Is it because it makes you feel like a failure?  Is it because you feel as if you are not good enough, and that no matter what you try you aren’t going to succeed?  No.  Setbacks hurt when you focus your mind on the pain.

Have you noticed how well people can cope with pain or injury well until they see blood?

In one study, three groups of participants were asked to soak their arm in a bucket of freezing cold iced water for as along as they could stand it.  During the submersion, the first group watched funny movies and told jokes to each other, the second group practiced a relaxation technique, and the third group just sat there in silence.   Groups A & B were able to increase their pain threshold by 50%, whereas there was no change to the pain threshold of group C.[i]

By refocusing your mind on the empowering aspects of the setback, instead of the painful ones, you will bounce back quickly without feeling drained by the event.

Dr. Maxwell Maltz, a renowned plastic surgeon, began research into the human mind.  He noticed that with some people, once the bandages were removed after receiving cosmetic plastic surgery, if their internal self-esteem had not changed, then no matter how perfect a job he did, they still felt ugly.  What they focused on, regardless of the reality, is what they experienced as true.

What you focus on, regardless of the outcome of the situation, will determine whether you feel confident and self-assured or irritable and depressed.

Tip: Pay attention to the aspects of the situation that you felt good about.  Focus on the aspects that did go well.  Did you apply yourself well?  If so, then be pleased that you did that!  Were you proactive and used your strengths?  Well, that takes courage, so if you did that then be proud of yourself.    Did you give your best effort?  Then, that’s all you can ask of yourself, so acknowledge yourself for having the confidence to be your best.

Tip: Acknowledge how you feel, but don’t dwell on the setback.  Why waste your time doing focusing on something that hurts?  It won’t get you any closer to what you want.  It sounds harsh (because it is) but you have to tell yourself  ‘Get up - Get over it – Get on with it’.

Is it a disaster or a learning experience?

Dr Rich Allen (Ph.D. in educational psychology) has studied how the brain receives, processes, stores and recalls information.  In a leadership program of 80 participants, a 60-second movie clip was shown of a car traveling down a dirt road and then colliding with a barn.  Immediately after the clip the group was given a list of questions about what they had just seen.  Two different questionnaires were then distributed.  Half the participants were asked ‘How fast was the car moving when the car bumped into the barn?’  The other half were asked ‘How fast was the car moving when the car smashed into the barn?

The group that was asked to describe the collision as ‘bumped’ reported an average speed of 42km/hr.  The group that was asked to describe the collision as ‘smashed’ reported an average speed of 67km/hr.  The alteration of a single word produced a significant change in the participants’ perception of the film clip.

In the same sense, if you describe your ‘setback’ as a personal reflection of your self worth, then you will probably feel like a failure and give up.  Your setbacks feel painful and you feel worthless when you describe them in terms of ‘you’.  Comments like ‘It’s all my fault’, ‘I always achieved what I set my mind to - why can’t I just get the darn job?’, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ is an invitation for self-pity and misery.  Even the word ‘reject’, which is defined as ‘to refuse to accept or use; to throw away; to discard’ conjures up images of worthless garbage tossed away into the bin.   What a ridiculous way to describe a human being!

Putting yourself down reduces the effort you put into your other aspirations.   Research has found that people with lower self-esteem set lower expectations for their performance[ii], underestimate their capabilities and set less challenging or mediocre goals[iii] which leads to putting in less effort than those with high self esteem[iv].   In short, taking rejection and setbacks personally can lead to not trying as hard in your next life challenge.

However, describing the event in terms of the ‘learning’ you gained from it, allows you to feel empowered that this situation will make you either smarter, stronger, and one step closer to a ‘getting what you want from life’.

Look at setbacks is as a stepping-stone that points out the path to where you want to go.  In that sense, the setback is actually a helping hand that shows you the way that didn’t work, so that you can find what path that will work.  Without knowing what doesn’t work, how can you expect to grow and improve?

As a child, you would have fallen over many times before you finally took your first steps.  As I watch my own children grow and learn how to walk, I notice how each failed attempt teaches them how to improve, adapt and overcome.  Each false step is actually a step closer to the right step.  A setback is your arena to learn how to improve, optimize and strengthen so that you can get what you want.

Tip: Describe your setback experience in empowering terms instead of ‘put-down’ language.   Instead of wallowing in self-pity, look at how it is showing you the way to getting what you want.   Ask yourself:

‘What can I learn from this?’

‘How can this situation make me stronger, smarter or happier in my life?’

‘What do I know now, that I didn’t know before the situation?’

‘How will this outcome help me improve in my next challenge?’

Is that being a Pollyanna, pie-in-the-sky optimist who is less in touch with reality?  To a certain degree, yes.  Will being positive and optimistic help you bounce back from rejection faster, keep your self-esteem intact and your motivation strong?  Absolutely!

Becoming resilient to pressure is a choice of how you wish to react to the obstacles and setbacks that life throws at you.  Now it’s up to you decide whether you will let failure and setbacks stop you in your tracks and wallow in self-pity, or whether you will see the positive learning and focus on what you have done well, so that you can keep on trying until you get what you want from life.

It’s your move.

Michael Licenblat B.Sc.(Psych) is a Resilience Expert who helps people in business bounce back fast from pressure, stress and burnout in their work and life. He is a professional speaker, coach and author of three books.

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