by Maya Anderson

Feeling frustrated, lethargic or like you have stagnated? Or feel like you just can’t move on from a broken relationship? Clearing out your material clutter can re-energise you and give you a new lease on life. Maya Anderson reports.

If you’ve ever felt peaceful or satisfied after you’ve given a messy room a good cleanout, there’s a reason. According to feng shui and clutter clearing consultant Nidia Hansen from Global Feng Shui having clutter in your home or workplace creates stagnation in your life in a variety of ways. “Clutter clearing is a modern and helpful means of making a difference in your life,” Ms Hansen said.

Feng shui dictates that everything in the universe is surrounded by qi (also spelt chi and ki), its life force or electromagnetic energy. “Qi can affect our life in two ways: the external one that surrounds our living space or work building, and the internal one within our home or office,” Ms Hansen said. “To be harmonious and productive, the qi has to be free flowing and not restricted.”

Clearing out unwanted or unneeded material from the home and workplace can re-energise us and boost our outlook. “By keeping your spaces relatively clutter-free, you are not only allowing the free flow of the qi, but you are removing stagnant or dead qi created by that clutter, giving yourself new opportunities in your life,” Ms Hansen said.

Permanent clutter could cause poor concentration, stress, resentfulness and lowered immunity. “It affects your personal image and how others perceive you – as neglected, unworthy, disorganised or ignored.” Clutter can also cost you money. “How many times have you bought unnecessary – and perhaps the same – books, tools, hardware, frozen foods, CDs, makeup or have downloaded the same information because you can’t find it?” Ms Hansen said. “Worst of all, clutter creates chaos, impedes new opportunities, occupies space and affects relationships.”

Perth-based psychotherapist Katie Altham said clutter can be an unconscious burden that adds to our stress levels, making us feel out of control or ashamed of being disorganised. “We often feel guilty for not having dealt with or finished that which is constantly around us. Our self-esteem is affected and our sense of inner peace can be completely sabotaged.”

Ms Altham said while excess clutter can keep us from moving forward, letting go of it is very difficult for many people, particularly when stressed or when clinging onto the shreds of a former relationship seems important. “Having many familiar things around can help us feel we belong and bring temporary comfort, however they can also lock us into the past and days gone by, holding us back emotionally, physically and mentally,” she said.

Some people hoard things in case they ever need them, or feel guilty getting rid of unwanted things given as gifts. According to Ms Hansen, other common reasons people hoard things is because they fear not having enough, enjoy buying and accumulating things to demonstrate success, or use retail therapy to cover unsolved emotional problems.

Fear of change and the unknown can also cause us to cling to material things. Ms Altham said everyone has times when life seems to stagnate and we become resistant to any change. “Clearing clutter will help to shift this impasse and make us feel constructive and pro-active again. Whenever I get stuck in my life and feel somewhat impotent, I have a spring clean around the house, clearing clutter. As I’m doing this, I’m also sorting through the clutter and rubbish in my thoughts. Within three days, there is always a breakthrough of some kind and my life seems to move again.”

So what things should we give or throw away? Ms Hansen said while commonly collected clutter includes clothes, shoes, documents, written information and memorabilia, what is termed clutter varies according to individuals. “Our lifestyles are diverse – what is useless for one person could be a treasure or useful to another,” she said.

A good idea when de-cluttering is to ask yourself whether you love the object, or if it is useful to you and your current life. “Question yourself: do I need it, or do I want it? Why do I keep this? How many times have I used it or will I use it? Be honest with yourself,” Ms Hansen said.

Clearing things that are reminders of unhappy memories, such as broken relationships, can help you move forwards. “There are positive and negative messages about ourselves throughout our environment,” Ms Altham said. “For example, photos of past occasions where we felt unhappy – even though we may have been smiling – or with people no longer with us can be detrimental.” Either bin photos or memorabilia that provoke unhappy memories, or put them in albums out of constant sight.

Clutter includes anything broken or unfinished, which often reflect issues not dealt with, and things that cause guilt. “A client told me last week how he had 20 to 30 text books strewn around his lounge that he knew he should read,” Ms Altham said. “He felt sure they would be of benefit, yet not being a huge reader, felt overwhelmed by them.” He decided to donate them to his library, knowing he could get them out if he wanted to read them. “His lounge and home feels much lighter now, and the silent burden of books not read, gone,” Ms Altham said.

Break down your clutter clearing into smaller tasks – one cupboard, box or drawer at a time. “Sort items into types: rubbish, recycling, return, donation or for sale,” Ms Hansen said. “Have a garage sale – they can be good fun and rewarding financially and mentally.”

• Things to Throw Out or Donate

• Anything that you don’t love or that isn’t useful

• Photos, cards or letters that remind you of unhappy times

• Empty ice cream containers, egg cartons, jars or other items that you’re collecting in case they come in useful

• Things that are broken that you know no-one will get around to fixing

• Unwanted gifts

• Clothes that you haven’t worn in a year or that no longer fit

• Reminders of broken relationships

• Old magazines and newspapers that won’t get read again

• Unused electronic equipment, exercise gear and unwanted toys

• Books that are not useful or that you did not enjoy

Maya Anderson is a full-time freelance journalist who specialises in health, fitness, nutrition and wellbeing issues. To contact Maya, email maya.anderson@hotmail.com

Article from:

I WISH I was going to have sex this weekend. All the conditions will be ripe for it.

I’ll be in Florida. I’ll be out on the town toasting a friend’s 40th birthday. I’ll be basking in the sun, with a couple of my closest gorgeous girlfriends, all of us sipping our favorite girlie drinks. And I’m 99.9 percent sure we’ll talk about sex.

But that will be the extent of it - the sex, that is. We’re not the “Girls Gone Wild” type. So, thanks to our “no men” rule, we’re in for a sexless weekend, which kind of stinks, because vacation sex can work wonders for the heart, mind, and soul - at least if you’re going about it as a couple.

Few terms can rev up and relax the body at the same time as easily as “vacation sex.” It’s many a lover’s favorite passion pastime. One’s libido and sex life come alive at the mere thought of being in an Eros-inducing elsewhere. Vacation sex makes for some of the best sex because …You get away from the daily grind.

In cutting off your “lifelines” (for example, cell phones and e-mail access), you escape the temptation to work. This allows you to get away from pressures, distractions, worries and responsibilities — basically, any of those libido-killers that affect your love life most days of the year.

While on vacation, you can totally devote yourself to nurturing your sexual needs and desires — and to attending to those of your lover. This is one of the reasons the vast majority of American marriage counselors recommend a regular weekend away as the one thing that can help a marriage, especially a struggling one.

Novelty makes for more nookie.

People love having sex in new places. This is in large part because of the neurotransmitter dopamine. When people have new experiences, dopamine spikes in the brain, triggering lust. And with that, many are willing to try something new and exciting. What better place to get “sexperimental” than on vacation?

Romance gets reconstructed.

In a new, romantic, or exotic place, lovers can rediscover one another. In trying different restaurants or embarking on a variety of nightlife activities, every evening that you’re away feels like a date night, each with its own distinct backdrop. All of this enhances lovers’ moods, helping them to feel better about one another and more connected.

You “get lucky” a lot.

When you make the time for nothing but lovin’, that’s hopefully what you’re going to get – and lots of it. Sex will breed the desire for more sex, making both partners feel better about their sex life and the relationship. This is both for couples already content with their sex life and those hoping their vacation will make for some romance repair.

Obviously, most of the aforementioned benefits of vacation sex are realized by monogamous couples. That’s not to say that singles can’t get randy and have rebel-rousing vacation sex as well. Many of them go on vacation hoping for sexual adventure, with single women letting their hair down even more.

Studies have shown that when single women are on vacation, they are more willing to lower their standards for sex than when they are in their home environment. Vacations are the times when women are most likely to have one-night stands or hook-ups and feel good about it.

At the same time, however, men shouldn’t assume that a gal they fancy is going to be easy prey. In general, women have a harder time than men lowering their standards for sex, because women are more complex when it comes to the pre-conditions for desire. This bump in the road is probably a good thing, given the increased risk of getting infected with a sexually transmitted disease or conceiving while on vacation.

Research published in the British-based medical journal Sexually Transmitted Infections reveals that a substantial number of people visiting international nightlife resorts have sex with people they meet while abroad. For example, more than half of travelers visiting Ibiza, Spain — an international dance resort — had sex with at least one person, with more than 26 percent of males and almost 15 percent of females having sex with more than one individual.

Factors that influence one’s decision to shag while on vacation include: Alcohol and/or drug use, fearlessness in anonymity, peer pressure, loss of inhibition in a foreign place, and the perception that sex is accessible. The end result: Increased STDs and pregnancy rates.

So if you’re single or the sort to be unfaithful, make sure you’re looking out for yourself in planning for even the potential of vacation sex. Before going anywhere, do a risk assessment of your destination and sexual intentions. Geographic distribution maps provided by the World Health Organization can help you assess how widespread HIV/AIDS and hepatitis are in your travel destination.

Regardless, common sense would be to assume risk everywhere, which means always practice safe sex if you’re not planning to abstain. Furthermore, consider well and honestly who you may sleep with. Commercial sex workers, for example, pose an increased risk of infection due to their own greater opportunities for exposure. If you can, get immunized against hepatitis B and pack condoms before you travel.

Read Original Article here

Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

by Dr Tim Sharp

Satisfying and fulfilling relationships are sought after by the vast majority of people. So why does it seem so difficult sometimes to achieve this? Research tells us that happiness depends to some extent on having good quality relationships, yet divorce rates are rising and the average number and duration of marriages is falling.

Whether you believe that your current relationship is particularly unfulfilling or generally pretty good, you can always improve its quality by making some (often small) changes. There is an extensive body of research investigating the factors that contribute to satisfying relationships, as well as what factors make a relationship more likely to fail. The following list of suggestions incorporates beliefs, skills and concepts that have been taken from that research. Whilst they are written with intimate relationships in mind, many of the strategies can also be applied to friendships and family relationships.

1. Long-term, mutually fulfilling relationships don’t happen easily or without effort. Many of our beliefs about relationships and romance have elements of movie or fairytale ideas such as being “soul mates”. Sometimes we look at relationships of people around us and they seem near perfect, and we might think, “they’re lucky to be so happy and so close”. Fulfilling relationships have little to do with luck and more to do with a willingness to make the relationship a priority and to make a focused effort.

2. A relationship starts with yourself. Ensure you are satisfied with who you are as an individual, and with other aspects of your life (eg: work). A relationship is more likely to be successful if it consists of two complete individuals, compared to relationships in which one partner is relying on the relationship to make themselves “whole”.

3. Communicate. There is no doubt that effective communication is a key to maintaining a satisfying relationship. Try to keep calm when discussing issues with your partner, don’t forget to listen (communication is two-way!) and be specific in describing your feelings or needs. Don’t assume your partner knows how you feel, why you feel that way, or what you need at any given time - they are not mind readers!! For more information see our tip sheet, “Effective Communicating”.

4. Be respectful and constructive in your disagreements. This is a hard one, but the research says couples who can see their partner’s perspective during arguments have considerably fewer disagreements and the disagreements are shorter. Ensure you agree on what you are actually arguing about, and understand that it is not you against each other: it is both of you against the problem.

5. Compromise. Whilst it’s important to be assertive in a relationship and make your needs clear, it’s also essential that both partners compromise in some areas. With two individuals with different histories and personalities, we should expect differences in opinions and preferences. Try to respect those differences and even appreciate them! Compromise is therefore essential for a good relationship.

6. Be unselfish. Unfortunately it can be easy to focus exclusively on how a relationship is making you fulfilled and happy, and what you think your partner should be doing to facilitate this. But the happiest of relationships involve both partners striving to ensure the happiness and wellbeing of the other one. Make it routine to go out of your way to do something for your partner’s sake that won’t necessarily directly benefit you.

7. Openly show your love and appreciation. Happy couples tend to show their happiness with each other more openly than dissatisfied couples. Don’t assume your partner knows you love/respect/appreciate them just because you may have been together a long time. Tell them as often as you can, particularly in relation to specific things (eg: “I really appreciate that you always do the washing up without me having to ask”).

8. Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m sorry” and “thank you”. These two simple phrases can significantly reduce arguments and shorten the length of post-argument “hangovers”. Even if you think that your partner “should” do a certain task/chore, saying thank you is still appreciated and provides reinforcement so your partner is more likely to do it again (and feel happy about it).

9. Don’t compare your relationship with other relationships. This is a common mistake, yet it is rarely helpful. Each relationship is different, and other relationships can often seem more ideal than they really are, which just leaves you feeling dissatisfied with your own relationship.

10. Be patient and understanding with your partner, and focus on each other’s strengths more than on faults. Of course, no one is perfect, but this can be easy to forget sometimes when we have expectations of our partner! Try to actively focus on your partner’s positive qualities and strengths (eg: list two things each day that you appreciate in your partner), rather than on their faults or how you want them to change. Do this for a few days and you will appreciate the benefits

11. Find a happy medium by spending some time together and some time alone. Of course quality time together as a couple is important in maintaining a satisfying relationship, but most people also require time to themselves. Find activities that you enjoy doing together, but don’t necessarily force your preferences on your partner when it may be much more enjoyable for you to engage in some activities alone or with another friend.

12. Don’t wait to start making the changes that you feel will improve the quality of your relationship: seize the day!! How often do you put things off until later when you think you will have more time/energy/motivation? If you know the direction in which you want to head, start today and make small changes and small efforts each day. This will help you achieve the fulfilling relationship that you are seeking. For further information see our tip sheet, “Goal Setting”.

Dr. Sharp is one of Australia’s leaders in the exciting new science of positive psychology and happiness. In short, he is one of this country’s leading Executive Coaches, a highly qualified consultant on matters relating to human behaviour and psychology (particularly the application of positive psychology principles within organisations and teams) and a sought after public/corporate speaker. For more information please email info@thehappinessinstitute or visit The Happiness Institute

By Dr Adam Fraser

As a workplace performance consultant working with thousands of people each year, the number one complaint I hear is that people don’t get enough time to spend with their family. Yet when most people get home what are they thinking about? ……. WORK!!!! Due to the rising levels of stress and pressure fewer and fewer people are truly engaged and present with their family members at the end of the day. Most people arrive home and even though they have physically left the office, mentally they are still there.

What is going wrong? Why are we performing better at work than we are at home? One of the reasons why people are finding it hard to switch off at the end of the day is that we are not tapping into the mindset of the home environment. Every external environment has a specific mindset and when we successfully adopt that mind set we become less stressed, more present and more successful in that environment.

For example the mindset during most peoples working day is one of fast pace, time scarcity, competition, high expectations, and decisive decisions. Compare that to the mindset of our home, which is slower paced, nurturing, supportive, and far less focused on outcomes and performance. Obviously these two environments are very different and making the mistake of entering one environment with the mindset of the other is a recipe for disaster. The research I have done into this issue revealed that most people are carrying the mindset of the work environment home with them and they are expecting their home to run like their office. One executive from a large financial institution articulated this problem perfectly. “Because I work such long hours I rush home at the end of the day, the problem is that my mind is still in work mode and I try to run my home like my office. I walk in the door and I finish my wife’s sentences because she doesn’t talk fast enough, I yell at the kids because they are not time efficient. I drive my family crazy!”

The result of this inability to switch into the home channel, leads to family tension, disengagement and a serious decline in personal relationships. The key to switching from work to home is finding your “third place”. Your third place is where you alter your mind set to suit that of the environment you are going into; it is a formal time where you consciously switch over. A coaching client of mine who works in a high-pressure environment has his third place down to a tee, the result is that despite the stress of his job he manages to be incredibly patient, supportive and attuned to his home environment.

When he enters the house at the end of the day, he goes straight to his room without talking to the family, takes off his suit, has a shower, does 5 minutes of meditation and then writes down all the things that were bothering him. Then he goes out to greet the family. This ritual allows him to release the stress of the day and switch onto the home channel by altering his mindset to suit his environment.

Other people I have worked with have their own variation of the third place. Some people use the train trip home, while others uses the gym. One female executive parks her car three streets away from her house and sits in her car for 5 minutes practicing meditation to calm down before she walks in the door. That is her third place.

One thing that the third place does is that it helps you to be more “present” when you are with your family. “Being Present” is a term to describe living in the here and now. It’s about focusing on the current task so much so that you lose yourself in what ever you are doing. If you are writing a report, focus entirely on that report without thinking of the other things you need to do later in the day. Likewise if you are having a conversation with someone totally immerse yourself in that conversation, don’t let your mind drift. So often we have conversations and we are not really present, we might be talking to that person but we are thinking about other things. Business is built on relationships, the greatest complement you can give another person is your undivided attention. We all have a highly tuned BS detector, and we know when people are not truly engaged or listening to us. Some people believe that being present is the key to team building. Companies spend millions of dollars a year getting people to build better relationships within an organization. They usually spend this money on personality profiling, but isn’t the first step getting them to engage and be present with each other? In addition some psychologist are now talking about the concept that people are creating fewer and fewer memories. The reason for this is that memories are created in the present and the fact that most people are either obsessing about the past or worrying about the future means that they are not laying down current memories.

The third place facilitates the chance of being present at home because when you are aligned with the mindset of that environment you are far more likely to focus on the what is happening in the here and now.

What will be your third place?

Dr Adam Fraser appears on ABC radio 702 and is a regular presenter on TV, most recently appearing on Channel 7’s Sunrise. In addition, Adam’s exercise training business “the energy factory” has trained celebrity clients such as “Guy Sebastian” and “Tammin Sursok”.Click here to contact Dr Adam Fraser at The Energy Factory