By Andrew May

This simple question plays a hugely important part in our lives and in our overall identity. It is one of the first questions we ask, or get asked, at parties, industry conferences and even extended family gatherings.

What we do for a living defines us. It gives us a sense of place in the world and can tell other people a lot about the type of person we are and our level of ‘success’. It’s more than a job – it’s a tag, a personal brand that provides insight into who we are.

When you answer “I’m a sales executive”, or “I’m a professional athlete” or “I’m a journalist” or “I’m in IT” people draw all sorts of conclusions. They might estimate how much you earn or weigh up what suburb you live in. They might hazard a guess at the type of house you live in, the model of car you drive, right down to the types of friends you have and the quality and excitement of your sex life… Or lack there of…

Personal Identity

Who you are is much more than your career alone. While our jobs are indeed an important part of our profile, they are just a part of the complete picture.

Defining yourself through only one aspect of your life – whether it is your career, a relationship, or financial status – is a recipe for unhappiness. Why? Because human beings are multi-faceted and we are definitely the sum total of all of our parts – not just one part in isolation.

Personal identity is the way you view yourself in the world. It directly impacts your thoughts, feelings, actions and even how you behave in challenging situations.

Your personal identity embraces your:

* Values and beliefs

* Strengths and idiosyncrasies

* Body image (also called physical identity)

* Personality and character traits (also called internal identity)

* Personal goals and aspirations.

* It also governs how you picture yourself in relation to other people and how you identify yourself in relation to your occupation.

Note that I have listed six separate components here. Six. Your personal identity is a multi-faceted hierarchy and our occupation is just one of these.

You are not your business card!

For many people work provides an important source of personal identity; for some it may be the only significant source. Work as your primary source of identity is fundamentally inadequate, because few of us can claim that identity forever. Sickness, disability, redundancy, retirement and the process of ageing all threaten an identity built solely upon our careers. But it is not the only source; we all have other identities. We are sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers, friends and neighbours.

Discover an identity outside of your career

It’s important to have more to your self-definition than just a prestigious title, a Gold AMEX credit card, prime-parking position in the company car park or membership to the QANTAS Club Chairman’s Lounge.  People who rely solely on their career to define who they are risk becoming one-dimensional.

And what happens when that career expires or disappears? Like the high-school sports star who at 40 years of age realises they actually hit their peak in Year 12 and have been on a downward spiral ever since. Ouch!

Next time someone asks you what you do, try expanding your response a little. We can define who we are and what we do in a multitude of ways including our family, friends, signature strengths, skills and talents, hobbies, passions, personal experience, trials and tribulations, success, education and learning, spiritual development and even our pets.

“I’m a husband, a parent, a sibling and a friend: I’m a student, an athlete, a teacher and a coach; I’m a cyclist, a dog owner, an investor and an author; I’m a surfer (even though a really bad one!), a swimmer, a speaker and business owner.”

So, what do you do?”

List your answers and remember to broaden your horizons and include more than just your career.

Finished? I hope you’ve at least tried to list five to six different things. You probably won’t actually say all of this to someone when you meet for the very first time. In fact, I’d highly recommend you don’t unless you want to come across as a bit of a tosser! But this activity really helps you define what I call your true identity or Whole Person Concept.

We have many identities including:

* Parent

* Sibling

* Mentor/teacher

* Partner

* Athlete

* Community worker

* Volunteer

* Friend

So, what do you do - on the weekends?

A lucky handful of people combine their creative talents, hobbies or sporting skills with their day job. The rest of us pursue these activities in our own time, although no less passionately! Our amateur pursuits and hobbies tend to genuinely represent what we care about and how we define ourselves outside of work.

Go on, test it out. Ask someone what they do as a day job and they may or may not respond with enthusiasm. Ask them what they do on the weekend, or on holiday, or when they’re happiest and most people will light up like a Christmas tree. It may not be apparent on the surface, but the average office floor is swarming with amateur guitarists, golfers, surfers, soccer players, pianists, dress-makers, welders, painters, magicians, boating enthusiasts, car restorers, historians and more.

You can’t buy back time!

Who really wants to be remembered for having the emptiest inbox? Or for working the most hours in the multinational company that ended up going flop? Or for having the most holidays stock-piled waiting for the perfect time?

The cold hard reality is, you can’t buy back time. Work out how you want to be remembered and most importantly, how you want to remember yourself.

Your real identity is a melting pot of values, beliefs, abilities, successes, setbacks, failures and previous experiences. Your real identity is also something that can’t be taken away from you.

Allocate 10 to 15 minutes over a coffee or peppermint tea and really think about that fundamental question – so, what do you do? Reflecting on who we are and how we want to be is a very important habit or skill that so many people forget or just never get around to when life is constantly on fast-forward. Happy reflecting…

‘Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans’. John Lennon

Andrew May is is considered Australia’s leading expert on performance and productivity and is the author of the bestselling book, Flip the Switch. Andrew speaks at conferences across the globe, mentors CEO’s and senior managers. He is published throughout national and international media, with regular segments on 2UE radio, Mix 106.5 Body and Soul and Channel Nine’s TODAY show.

By Maya Anderson

Chronic fatigue is a debilitating feature of illnesses but chronic fatigue syndrome itself is an illness and one that remains highly controversial. Sufferers are often labelled malingerers, while others think they are merely tired from lack of rest. But the major feature of the condition is continual, extreme fatigue that is not relieved with sleep. Other symptoms include sleep disorders, recurrent infection, forgetfulness, muscle soreness, joint pain, swollen lymph glands, confusion, depression and recurrent sore throat and headaches.

Coupled with the fact that many sufferers experience a lack of acceptance of their disease from their colleagues, family and friends, CFS can be severely life-changing, says Don Lewis, founder of the Chronic Fatigue Discovery program in Victoria.

“Not many die from it, although a number take their lives,” Dr Lewis said. “There is no cure for it. One may get better but the propensity for recurrence remains.”

However sufferers can feel in better health through the use of natural aids, says Natureco naturopath Samantha Warner. “Prolonged stress followed by viral infection, which switches off the cell ability to make energy, is best treated with nutrients and herbs for the immune and nervous system, such as vitamin C, zinc, astragalus, Echinacea, St John’s wort, licorice, Korean ginseng and antioxidants like Coenzyme Q10 and lipoic acid,” she said.

Because deficiencies of vitamin B, C and D were often causes of fatigue, taking these vitamins might help increase energy slightly, Ms Warner said.

The natural approach to the treatment of chronic fatigue syndrome sometimes involved a long and gentle process to slowly reboost the immune system and purge the body of toxins.

Detoxifying could be aided with herbs which supported kidney and liver function, such as dandelion, milk thistle, lavender and ginseng. A healthcare professional should be consulted first.

Taking a multi-vitamin to supplement lost vitamins could also help. Because many sufferers experience muscle pain and stiffness, magnesium could improve muscle function and might help eliminate soreness.

Establishing a regular bedtime might be of benefit and gentle restorative exercise such as tai chi, swimming, walking and yoga was advised, even though many people may not feel like it. “However anything too vigorous can be counter-productive,” Ms Warner warned.

In some cases, acupuncture, chiropractic treatment, massage and meditation had proved helpful in managing the syndrome. She suggested sufferers could find a picture from when they felt fit and healthy and use it as a positive image for visualisation and gratitude for good health. “It is important to remain hopeful rather than hopeless and fearful,” she said.

And if you don’t have chronic fatigue syndrome, prevention is better than cure. “The factors that will contribute to the recurrence, or the onset, of the illness are infection, excessive physical activity and excessive mental activity,” Dr Lewis said. “Therefore, if you become unwell, allow your body to recover from it.”

Maya Anderson
Email: maya.anderson@hotmail.com

By Fiona Cosgrove

We live in a world that values independence, autonomy and personal freedom and we look up to people who make quick decisions and never falter from their path.  These people often hold power and rarely have confidence crises.  Or so we presume?   But is this true?

The reality is that many of us juggle multiple roles in our overwhelmingly busy lives and are constantly trying to stay on top of everything, having little time for reflection or indeed (god forbid) mistakes.  We strive to live up to standards that are set in the media, by other people or by our own sense of perfectionism and drive to “succeed”.   It is important for us to be seen to be in control of our present, our past and of course our future, knowing exactly what our dreams, our desires and our strengths are.

But what about those times when the answer is not as clear, when the workload is overwhelming, when we have doubts about what we’re doing or why we’re doing it?  Yes, they exist for everyone.  But society does not encourage this display of weakness for after all, it is only worth winning when we have no doubts about the value of the prize.

We are all human and what makes is so is our ability to stand back and look at our foibles and our mistakes and think deeply about our reasons for doing anything at all.  But what happens when we do not allow ourselves the space and time to do this?  We become lost and isolated whilst moving in a crowded and busy life.  This isolation for many will lead to anxiety and depression unless we can recognize the need for time out and to ask for help.

A REQUEST FOR HELP DOES NOT MEAN THE SAME AS A CRY FOR HELP

Just because we would like the support,  opinions or ear  of others does not mean we have failed or are in some way deficient.  Asking for help is actually:

* Pro-active
* Respectful (of others’ expertise)
* Takes courage
* Inclusive (recognizes the need for others)
* Humble

As a coach, I am privileged to meet some of the most interesting and insightful people.   Over the years I have come to realize that the people who are willing to put trust in others and to admit they are “stuck” in a problem, or with a decision, are often the strongest and most courageous people around and a pleasure to work with.  Whether their need is for help with lifestyle changes, with direction in their career or relationship, or to gain clarity about their goals for the future, they all bring an honesty and willingness to change that is refreshing in today’s world of experts.

WHEN AND WHY IS APPROPRIATE TO ASK FOR HELP?

Life throws many challenging situations at us and we are constantly called upon to make decisions.  Some of these can impact our life greatly and also those of other people and we frequently find ourselves “stuck” or caught in ambivalence about which option to take.  But there are also times when we can’t see any way forward and would benefit by being able to see that there are always choices.  With the complexity of our lives today,  no one area is exempt from the occasional stress of not knowing what to do next.  Consider:

Work-related areas
Am I enjoying my job and if not what should I be dong about it?
Do I need to change career or can I make changes in my current situation?

Relationships
Am I giving my relationship the attention it deserves?   Can I do anything differently that will improve things at work/home?
I would like to find someone to share my life with.  Am I allowing this to be possible?  What do I need in a partner?
Should I stay in my current relationship?
How can I relate better to my kid/family?

Leisure
Am I spending enough time on activities I enjoy and become absorbed in?  Have I forgotten how to switch off?  How can I change this situation which has become a bad habit?

Health and fitness
My work and personal life is great but I am carrying too much weight and don’t know where to start to change things.  I need help with a plan and something that will work for me.
I am constantly feeling tired and can’t work out why this is happening.  How can I pinpoint the major problem?

Financial
Am I following the best plan?  Should I be investing in a different way?  Will I have enough to live on after retirement?  What is really important to me for the future?

And the list goes on.

WHEN WE ASK FOR HELP, IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT WE DON’T ALREADY HAVE THE ANSWER

What regularly becomes apparent when we are on the receiving end of a “request for help” conversation is that the person rarely wants the answer given to them.  What they really need is a safe space to consider all aspects of the situation and time to work out what they really want, what their options are and which is the best to take.  Sometimes they just need to create a plan.  And very often they simply need a sounding board or a “mirror” held up for them to see the position clearer.  As a friend or a coach, we can do this but frequently fall into the trap of thinking we need to give them the solution to their problem.

HOW CAN WE BEST HELP OTHERS?

If we think of carrying a flashlight to these conversations, it can be a great reminder for what will be of most use to our friend, our colleague, our client – or even our family.  When we shine the flashlight on certain aspects of the situation, we make it come into focus and encourage the person to look more closely at that aspect.  This symbolic flashlight might come on when certain words are used, or when something is glossed over or when everything seems too complex and it is useful to concentrate on one part of the story.  The methaphorical “flashlight” is much more useful to carry than a repair kit or first aid box.  When we learn how to help others in an effective and respectful manner two things happen, we let go of responsibility for that person’s life and we become much more willing to ask for help ourselves.

Everyone likes to help people but there are ways of doing it that are more useful than others.  In giving assistance, we gain feelings of contentment and satisfaction. It feels even better when that person comes up with their own solution and we have simply been a catalyst or sounding board.  So next time we struggle with a dilemma, why not give the privilege to someone and seek help from an appropriate source?

Fiona Cosgrove has over 20 years experience in the wellness & fitness industry - owning and managing clubs in Australia and Asia, including No 1 Martin Place, NSW Fitness Centre of the Year, 2006. Fiona is the author of Coach Yourself to Wellness and she regularly runs corporate seminars and workshops in the areas of healthy lifestyle, motivation and wellness.

By Adam Fraser

The top selling book in Australia at the moment is “The brain that changes itself”; which is all about how the brain can alter its structure. Up until a couple of years ago it was thought that the brain was set and we could not alter how it was configured. What we now know is that the brain is very plastic and is constantly remodeling itself.  The key to changing how your brain is wired is to change how you use it.

The brain is made up of a series of neural connections, which are simply a group of brains cells that work together. Every action, feeling and thought has a specific neural connection that makes that action, feeling and thought possible. As I sit here typing this article a series of neural connections fire to make my fingers select the right keys in the right order. When we feel anger and act inappropriately it is once again due to the triggering of a set number of brain cells acting as a team. Similarly, the way the brain stores information is that when we learn something new, say a word in French, a number of neurons are dedicated to that one piece of information and they are encoded with it. If you never revisit that word, over time those neurons split up and go off and fulfill other jobs. However if you regularly go over the word, that pattern will be re-enforced and the neural connection will be cemented down.

Think about when you were learning how to drive. If you started in a manual car chances are you would have been terrible – bunny hopping and crunching gears. The reason is that there was no neural pattern in your brain for driving; your brain simply wasn’t set up for it. You would also notice that it took a lot of effort and concentration to drive. Now, reflect on the last time you drove home? Did you think about it? No, you just drove home. Why? Because the neural pattern of driving is so engrained you don’t even have to think about it.

Strong neural patterns are like freeways in your brain, solid, deep, wide and easy to travel on. Weak neural patterns are like dirt roads narrow, shaky and difficult to travel down. It is simply easier for our brain to use the freeways and because of this they tend to direct the traffic down that route.

We are all born with certain talents and skills as well as a thinking style and an emotional bias. Some people are good at sports; some people are great at music; others are optimistic; some handle stress easily, while others fly off the handle when the slightest thing goes wrong. Think of these natural tendencies as freeways. Unfortunately humans tend to focus on the things they are good at and shy away from things that they struggle with. If we take music lessons and we don’t pick it up easily we will quit after a short period of time. All this does is reinforce our natural abilities or put another way, the freeways in our brain get all the traffic. The good news is that we can develop the dirt roads, it just takes time and effort.

Back to the driving analogy, driving starts out as a dirt road but with consistent practice and time it turns into a freeway. Neural plasticity does not only apply to motor skills. Studies have shown that pessimists (people who have a lot of freeways for negative thoughts) can alter their brain so that it begins to have a tendency for optimism. How did they do this? Normally when an event occurred they naturally thought a pessimist thought, however this time they recognised that thought, challenged it and then chose to think of it in an optimistic light. In other words they put a detour sign on their freeway and directed the traffic down the dirt road. After enough time of doing this, the dirt road starts to get wider, smoother and easier to drive on. In the meantime the freeways starts to get cracks in it and it loses its structure.

Martin Seligman took children who had a natural style of pessimism. Each evening he got their parents to ask the children 3 questions:

* What did you do really well today?

* What did you really enjoy today?

* What are you looking forward to tomorrow?

Over a period to time they found that the children started to have a bias for optimism. They simply changed their dirt roads into freeways.

How do we do this?

* Choose a behaviour, belief or thinking style that you want to change.

* Start to recognize when you do this behaviour, belief or thinking style.

* Challenge it and introduce a new behaviour, belief or thinking style.

* Reinforce this pattern, over and over.

The difficulty with this is that it takes effort, but when was the last time that something worthwhile was easy?

Case study

Gordon Cairns was the CEO of Lion Nathan. In 1997 the company was losing market share and the share price was dropping.

The HR department did a 360-degree feedback (where people at different levels give feedback on your behaviour) on the leadership team.

The results of the feedback showed that Cairns had a very aggressive/defensive style, he wielded power, was a perfectionist, demanding, task orientated and did not see value in staff development or culture. This attitude seeped down into his leadership team who mimicked his behaviour.

The HR manager Bob Barbour called them on their behaviour and said, “Your behaviour needs to change.” Can you imagine what he would have faced? However he stood his ground and this was obviously very confronting for the leadership team. Over time they realised that in order for the organization to change, they had to change. They took personal responsibility and accountability for their behaviour. With coaching, they started to instill a new culture around a style of education and encouragement. The result was a shift in their constructive styles, an increase of 53%. Cairns went from a tyrant to an empathetic and thoughtful leader.

When asked how he made this leap, Gordon Cairns gave the following advice.

Step 1: Get feedback on your behaviour

Step 2: Park your ego and take that feedback on board without being offended

Step 3: Have a clear idea of what behaviours you want.

Step 4: Get help – coaches, consultants, books etc.

Step 5: Keep measuring

Step 6: Understand that relapse is normal.
A great example of neural plasticity!

by Kate James

‘The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realise that you control your own destiny.’ Albert Ellis

Over the years I’ve worked with many clients who have reached a point where they feel they can go no further in their careers or in life in general. They feel completely stuck. It’s only when they look more closely that they come to realise that what stands in their way is their own inclination to sabotage success.

Most of the ways that we self sabotage are unconscious. The characteristics that come into play are those that Carl Jung referred to when he spoke of our ’shadow’. All of us have degrees of every personality trait possible - some we are comfortable to own, others we’re not. Our shadow includes both the parts of ourselves that we disown (and generally dislike in others) as well as those that we admire in others (but are too modest to claim for ourselves). Simply put, Jung’s philosophy is that in order to grow we must confront our shadow and begin to embrace and make peace with all of our character traits.

This process requires courage and commitment and is often best accompanied by working with a professional but you can begin on your own. Start by paying attention to the styles of self sabotage you favour. Once you become aware of these otherwise unconscious thoughts, you have the opportunity to challenge them with your inner dialogue (more about this in next month’s newsletter).

Blaming

This method of self sabotage is pretty self explanatory. You believe that your circumstances are not your fault. Whilst it’s possible that there is some degree of truth in this, blaming leaves you feeling powerless. Blaming often goes hand in hand with a ‘victim’ mentality which is equally disempowering. Ultimately, you are the only person who has the ability to change your situation. When you begin to take responsibility, you feel better about yourself and more in control of your life.

Likely self talk: ‘I can’t help it’; ‘It’s their fault’; ‘Things are just really hard for me’.

Procrastination

How many times do you repeatedly put off an unpleasant task? The most common are doing your tax, tidying your desk/wardrobe/garage, getting your finances in order, starting an exercise program or a healthy eating regime. Procrastination is a very popular method of self sabotage.

Likely self talk: ‘I don’t have the time’; ‘I’m too tired’; ‘The time isn’t right’.

Over Committing/Overwhelm

Many people over commit themselves. They say yes to everything and then find themselves feeling completely overwhelmed (and quite often resentful). This method of self sabotage often helps you to avoid your ‘real’ goals (the ones that would bring you the most fulfilment if you were brave enough to pursue them) by distracting you with a range of incidental activities.

Likely self talk: ‘They need me - I can’t say no’; ‘I’m the only one who will do the job well’; ‘I just like to stay busy’.

Lack of Self Belief

This is quite possibly the most popular method of all. Like all others, it is also a self fulfilling prophecy. The less you believe in yourself, the less likely you are to take on new challenges and the more likely you are to believe you are unworthy of great things.

Likely self talk: ‘I’m not good enough’; ‘No one will want me’; ‘I’m too tall; too short; too heavy; too unattractive; not interesting or not smart enough’.

Unclear Goals/Lack of Direction

This is a difficult area to tackle as it generally presents as an overall sense of confusion. Not being clear about what you want in life is often connected to not wanting to make the wrong choices.

Likely self talk: ‘I don’t know what I want’; ‘Nothing interests me’; ‘What if I get it wrong?’.

With all of the above methods of self sabotage, the first step is to notice your dominant style. Most of us use more than one so begin by just becoming aware of your self talk. If you feel ready to challenge that thinking, find a way to reframe your original thought, for example ‘I’m not good enough’ could become ‘I’m as good as I need to be to give this a go’.

ON A PERSONAL NOTE

I think I can safely say that I’ve dabbled in most of these methods of self sabotage at some point in time in my life. These days ‘over committing’ is probably my favourite. I find it helpful to acknowledge this on a regular basis even though it’s an ongoing challenge to change.

I’ve been a little more disciplined at taking on less over the past few weeks…it’s so much easier when you’re on holiday.

We had our usual stint at my sister’s beach house which was beautifully relaxing. Then both of the girls went away with friends for a week so Chris and I had the house to ourselves. We lazed around for a few more days before starting our planned painting project. We’re not talking fun, arty painting here but house and fence painting. Not that I really minded…once you have all of the right equipment, it is actually quite therapeutic.

I put the iPod on and listened again to David Whyte’s ‘Clear Mind, Wild Heart’ CDs (http://bit.ly/IL8e) which I adore. I made quiche and frittata with the leftover ham, baked almond bread and bought delicious white nectarines so we had lovely food whenever we stopped for a break. I relished the feeling of physical tiredness at the end of each day - I haven’t slept so well in years.

And now the front of the house looks fresh and clean so it has been well worth the effort. Now we just have three sides to go so the new challenge for me is to keep enough time free to get it finished.
‘Kate James is a work life balance coach, writer and speaker. She works with professional people who want to enhance their quality of life by making the right career and life choices. You can find Kate at www.totalbalance.com.au.’

By Andrew May

Remember the ‘monster mobiles’ we used in the late 80’s and early 90’s? I remember back in high school when Mum and Dad were having a cuppa and sponge cake, proudly looking over the finished plans that had been dropped in by Macka the builder. ‘What’s he like?’ I asked, taking a huge bite. ‘Really successful,’ replied Mum. ‘He’s got a mobile phone’.

Today’s mobile phone is faster, lighter, stronger and more convergent than ever before. Not only do we use them to talk and text, they are a digital camera, movie camera, diary, phone book, GPS, radio, MP3 player, web browser, data storage device, encyclopedia, alarm clock, Dictaphone, personal organizer, flash light and a whole lot more.

Now don’t get me wrong, mobiles used wisely are a great productivity tool. But more and more people from teenagers to the twilight years are showing signs and symptoms of mobile addiction.

Are you a mobile addict?

1.    Do you get anxious if you don’t get an instant response to an SMS?

2.    Does the thought of turning your mobile off send you into a shiver?

3.    When you go out to dinner, do you sit the mobile on the table in front of you?

4.    Do you feel unloved if your phone doesn’t ring, ding or zing for a few hours?

5.    When you hop off a plane or finish a movie, is the first thing you do to check your phone?
If you answered YES to any of the above – you may just suffer from mobile mania.

Mobiles in Australia

Researchers at the Queensland University of Technology (QUT) led a study on mobile phone addiction. They found the average Australian spends an hour a day making calls and sending text messages. 22% of respondents were classified as ‘heavy’ or ‘very heavy’ users spending up to 4 hours or more a day on their mobiles. Interestingly, only 11% of phone time measured in the survey was related to business.

Mobiles around the world

•    2 billion people worldwide are now hooked on to a mobile phone

•    Half the people in the world are expected to have mobiles in the next 2 years

•    4 out of 10 young adults in Spain are considered mobile phone addicts

•    48% of Spaniards between 18 and 25 spend more than 4 hours a day talking and texting

•    In South Korea, where 40.2M people from a total population of 49M have mobiles, the government is considering a ‘curfew’ limiting the amount of time teenagers spend on their phones

•    Orange Tree Theatre in London has a zero tolerance policy to mobiles going off during productions and has a bonus waiting for the first actor to lead the entire cast off stage until the offender has been ejected from the theatre

•    A Scandinavian chauffeur booked himself into a clinic for SMS addiction after his habit left him sending more than 300 text messages a day

•    Psychologists are predicting mobile addiction will become one of the biggest issues over the next 5 years

Symptoms of mobile addiction

While the 5 questions were a bit of fun, hard core mobile addicts will tend to neglect obligations and even important activities like work or study, can drift apart from family and friends, send and answer messages throughout the night and the thought of switching off their phone can even cause anxiety. They also tend to suffer more from sleep disorders and sleeplessness. The majority of mobile phone addicts have low self esteem and feel the urge to be constantly in contact with other people via their metallic mobile devices.

What about teenagers?

Mobile addiction is becoming more and more of a problem for teenagers. Discovering whether or not your child is a mobile addict is not an easy task. It’s much easier to see if someone is sitting at their computer for 8 hours a day. Reasonable use of mobiles can be positive for social development, yet too much can lead to withdrawal and decreased face to face contact. It is a good idea for parents to be proactive and monitor their child’s mobile usage.

Mobile mantra

1.    Practice turning your mobile off when at movies or sporting events – you don’t need it on 24/7

2.    When you do need to concentrate or finish a project quickly – turn your mobile off to avoid interruptions

3.    Go out to dinner with your loved ones, family, or friends – not your mobile. Turn it onto silent and put it in your pocket, not on the table!

4.    Set some mobile hours – learn to turn it off at night

5.    Don’t sleep with your message alert on – this can wake you up throughout the night and cause disrupted sleep patterns

6.    If you do need to have your mobile on keep the ring tone on a quiet setting – the whole world doesn’t need to know that your phone is ringing!

7.    Try going mobile free for a day or two – you might even enjoy the peace and silence.

Andrew May is is considered Australia’s leading expert on performance and productivity and is the author of the bestselling book, Flip the Switch. Andrew speaks at conferences across the globe, mentors CEO’s and senior managers. He is published throughout national and international media, with regular segments on 2UE radio, Mix 106.5 Body and Soul and Channel Nine’s TODAY show.

By Fiona Cosgrove

By the way, botox is only in the title because it fits well and let’s face it, it’s a bit of an attention grabber.   Why do you think that is?  Botox is still a controversial treatment and not everyone wants to try it.  But a lot of us are mildly interested in these alternative treatments.  Strangely it does fit the theme of this article because I am writing about trying new things. I have been thinking of all the assumptions we make, how we define ourselves and how easy it is make a judgment with limited information.  The end result – we make our world smaller than it is.  Not to say that a wrinkle-free face would make your world any larger, but who knows?!

The real point of this article is to raise a few questions about how we see ourselves.  If anyone asked you right now, “Who are you?”  What would you answer?  Your name might be a start but you would probably go on to list some roles that you play in life.  For me, I am a mother, a partner, a coach, a speaker, a friend, a daughter, a writer, and high on the list would be a bike-rider.  Because these are all things that I value about myself.   I like to think of myself as an above average bike rider, and possibly even “good for a girl.” High self praise indeed.  Self knowledge is a good thing.  So what if someone asked you “Who are you not that you would like to be?”  How would you respond to that?  Trickier isn’t it?  Possibly a bit uncomfortable too.  After all, we are touching on unfulfilled dreams and goals.

So to play it safe, I might refer to something in the fitness realm that I have failed to accomplish and with a cough I would mutter, “I’m not very flexible”.  Which three months ago would have been true.  Absolutely.  I have spent most of my exercising life moving in a straight line.  Unless I was carrying a hockey stick in which case I would swerve when necessary, but only when necessary. If asked a few years ago, I would have also listed “marathon runner” in my response.  In recent years this sport has had to be replaced with bike-riding.  I am somewhat proud of my limited ability to move quickly – in a straight line but I am aware that it has caused some anatomical problems.  I have tried to stretch - with a trainer, on my own, in a class - but to no avail.  It just didn’t excite me.  Until a few months ago when I was encouraged to try Bikram yoga.

Now for those who don’t know what Bikram yoga is, think of a room the temperature of a hot bread oven, many sweaty near naked bodies of all shapes, sizes and ages and an instructor asking us to get into positions that seem to go against what nature intended.  And there I found myself.  90 minutes later, one word came out of my mouth when I left the class and it wasn’t, “Wonderful!”  But being stubborn I was determined to do at least three classes before giving up.

Now those three classes took me into uncharted territory.  First, I was useless.  Strong legs help but don’t cut it when you’re as inflexible as I am.  My dignity suffered,  My competitive nature was flattened. To simply survive some of those classes required more discipline and tenacity than anything I had done in a while.  I was sharing space with people who seemingly were born with a different anatomical make up to me and I doubted that I was of the same species.  It was humbling.

Three classes ticked off and I was free.  But no, I found myself there again.  And again.  And again!  A few weeks later and my 10 pass needed renewing. I realized that I had done 4 of these 90 minute sessions in 8 days!   I was shocked and wondered if there was some subtly addictive foul play at foot. But no, the reason I kept going back for more was that I felt so amazingly good afterwards.  I slept well, I felt more relaxed than I had in years and lo and behold, getting on the back of the vespa no longer was an embarrassing struggle. I leapt on in one smooth movement.  Inexplicably, I was becoming stronger on the bike.

So what did I learn from this experience?  The fact that we box ourselves in with our own idea of who we are.  We think of what we are rather than what we could be.  As we get older, this gets worse.  Our self esteem and value system are set around our accomplishments.  We stop taking risks that aren’t logical or safe.  We ignore possibilities and narrow our experiences.

The moral of the tale?  Try something new.  Do something you know you won’t excel at and do it for reasons that are bigger than your need to be the best.  I hope that my new found interest will help me live longer, move more freely and provide something in my life that was missing around stillness, calm and  freedom of  movement.  Perhaps it will, perhaps it won’t.  Give yourself chance to explore, be someone new and you too may find the hidden yogi within!  And if you do, chances are you won’t need botox.

Fiona Cosgrove has over 20 years experience in the wellness & fitness industry - owning and managing clubs in Australia and Asia, including No 1 Martin Place, NSW Fitness Centre of the Year, 2006. Fiona is the author of Coach Yourself to Wellness and she regularly runs corporate seminars and workshops in the areas of healthy lifestyle, motivation and wellness.

By Dr. Adam Fraser

Latest psychological research tells us that our emotions drive and guide our behaviour, develop or ruin relationships, guide attention and help us store memories. Put simply our emotions control our performance and quality of life. They even have a dramatic impact on our health as negative emotions lead to the release of toxic chemicals that damage our body. Intensive care units have shown that patients who are comforted by others have lower levels of stress hormones, lower blood pressure and even have lower secretion of artery clogging fatty acids.

Obviously emotions have a big impact on you, but do your emotions affect your environment?

The reality is that emotions are carried through your organisation like electricity through a cable.

Put another way your emotions are contagious. The question is are your emotions worth catching?

A closed loop system is one that regulates its self and is not influenced by the outside world. Your emotions/mood is an open loop system meaning that the environment affects them. This open loop system allows a mother to consol her distraught child, or a manager to rev up their sales team.

This means that our mood affects the mood of our team. In 2000 Caroline Bartel at New York University and Richard Saavedra at the University of Michigan found that people in meetings adopted the same mood (good and bad) within 2 hours. They also found that teams of nurses and accountants tracked the same emotions over the week, even thought they varied in terms of external stress and challenges.

Depending on what sort of emotions you bring to work you could be quite literally killing your co-workers. Pause for a moment and consider how do you affect the mood of your team? We so often only focus on the role of the leader, however we all affect the mood of our team.

Having said that the greatest influence on a team is the mood of the leader. It is so potent that many leaders should consider their primary task as the emotional leadership of their team. This is not to say that leaders cant have bad days, however research tells us that teams perform best and solid culture is built when the leader regularly has an optimistic, authentic and high energy mood.

Can we change our mood? In a word YES!. A person’s emotional state and attitude are not genetically hard wired, they can be changed. However we all have a bias towards a certain style and emotional set point.

The more we act in a certain way be it happy, cranky or sad, the more we reinforce that pattern in our brain and the more we act that way.

This is where emotional intelligence matters. An emotionally intelligent person can be self aware of their mood/emotions, change them for the better through self management, understand their impact through empathy and act so that they improve the emotional state of those around them.

Steps to improve you emotional state:

1.    Picture it up!

What emotional state do you want to be in? Picture how you want to act, be perceived, what is the mood of your team like. Get a clear understanding of how you want things to be.

2.    Take Stock!

Find out your starting point. Many leaders do not know how they affect their team and environment. I have spoken to many leaders to have them inform me of the great “vibe” in their team and how their team loves their leadership style. Only to be informed by the team that they see them as a “tyrant” and unapproachable. Park the ego and ask your team for feedback. The best way to do this in anonymously, you might also consider getting formal 360-degree feedback. In addition make it ok for your team to give you feedback on your emotional leadership.  Relax we are not as perfect as we think we are.

3.    Bridging the Gap!

How do you start to develop your leadership? First step is to up-skill yourself. Here are some things I have seen other leaders do in the past.

a.    Simply start to research and educate yourself on this area through books and courses.

b.    Take time to reflect, some of the best leaders I have worked with spend 30 mins a day reflecting on their emotional leadership. They analyse different situations during that day and examine how they reacted and how they could have responded in a better way.

c.    Some look outside of work, they develop empathy and emotional regulation by coaching their children’s soccer team or devoting time to a local charity.

4.    Practice Makes Perfect!

Choose one emotion to work on. For example you may choose to practice more patience with your co-workers, more empathy, greater optimism or simply look at removing anger and judgement from your leadership style. The way we change our behaviour, is to do and redo the new behaviour, over and over again. This breaks old neural patterns. An added bonus is that we can fast track this with visualisation. Imagining something in vivid detail fires the same brain cells and neural pathways that are actually involved in the real life task. Before a meeting or on the way to work start to run through your head and picture how you want to lead and manage your team.

5.    Get some Help!

Find a coach or a colleague who you can debrief you activity with. I have encouraged many leaders in large corporates to form coaching groups where they discuss their challenges and how they handled them. The feedback has been that they are exceptionally beneficial.

“Dr Adam Fraser is one of Australia’s leading educators, researchers and thought leaders in the area of human performance! In this time he has worked with elite level athletes, the armed forces and business professionals of all levels. Check out his websites www.dradamfraser.com & www.theglucoseclub.com.au.”

By Joanna McMillan Price

I was once with a couple of friends when one of them offered to share her bag of peaches. “Are they organic?” asked my other friend and proceeded to tell us she would now eat only organic fruit and vegetables. Yet that same weekend we were all out for a drink and she casually lit up a cigarette. On seeing my surprise and obvious disapproval, she said, “Oh, I don’t really smoke, just socially when having a drink.”

It struck me that while most of us want to improve our health and do make changes in an attempt to do that, we don’t always make the change that will have the biggest impact first. Eating more fruit and vegetables cannot protect from the ravages of too much wine at night, while choosing low GI foods is not the best protection from diabetes if you only ever move from your car to your desk to your sofa! Think of it as climbing a ladder, with each change you make taking you closer to the top — a place where you have maximised your chances of good health, wellbeing and longevity. Make the big changes at the bottom of the ladder first and, as you climb, progress to the smaller ones.

 1. Stop smoking

OK, so many of you are saying, “Who still smokes, for goodness sake?” Plenty of people do and they’re not just young girls. According to The Cancer Council NSW, in 2004, 18.6 per cent of Australian men and 16.3 per cent of women were smoking daily.

Certainly the highest rates were found to be among those in their 20s, so we do get wiser with age, but this age group accounted for less than one-quarter of the total numbers. Furthermore, these figures don’t take into account those social smokers such as my friend who classifies herself as a non-smoker. Don’t kid yourself. Every cigarette causes damage. In 1998, there were about 19,000 smoking-related deaths in Australia. There is no other change you could make that would have a bigger impact on your health, not to mention the way you look and the way you feel. Give up now. 

2. If you drink, do it the French way: little and often

When my lovely hubby puts away a bottle of red wine after a stressful day at work, he looks at my raised eyebrows and says, “What? It’s red wine and you said that was good for me!” The trouble with alcohol is a little on a regular basis can be good and certainly red wine has good quantities of antioxidants thought to be beneficial to our health. But take the message too far, as is all too easy, and you tip the scale towards damage. If we look at a population level, the relationship between alcohol intake and mortality is what’s called a J-shaped curve. In other words, those who drink a little have the best health, particularly in relation to heart disease, even better than abstainers. Interestingly, this is the way the French (and people in many other European countries) tend to drink. But as you increase the number of drinks per day, the graph takes a sharp turn upwards and keeps climbing. A further problem is that alcohol affects people in different ways. If you have a family history of heart disease, a couple of drinks a day may be of benefit, but if breast cancer affects your family, you would do well to abstain. This is before even mentioning the health of your liver (and while France may be doing well on the heart disease front, it does have a relatively high rate of liver cirrhosis!). The Australian guidelines for men are no more than four standard drinks a day on average and no more than six standard drinks on any one day. For women, it’s no more than two standard drinks a day on average and no more than four standard drinks on any one day. Both men and women should also have one or two alcohol-free days a week. If you think this sounds like a lot, bear in mind that the glass of wine you pour at home is likely to be at least 1.5 standard drinks, perhaps even two. A standard drink of wine is 100ml, yet the usual serve in a restaurant is 180ml.

3. Move briskly for at least 30 minutes a day

We live in what the experts call an obesigenic environment. Modern life does not make it easy for us to do the exercise and activity our bodies need to be healthy, while making it all too easy to overeat. We need activity to survive.

It doesn’t matter how slim you are or how well you eat, if you are not moving, your body will suffer. You need movement to stimulate your gut to work effectively; to keep a good blood flow that enables the optimal delivery of oxygen and nutrients to all areas of the body, including the brain; to keep your heart and lungs working properly; to prevent back pain and other musculoskeletal disorders; and, of course, to manage weight.

If you now do very little, you have the most to gain. There are enormous advantages to health in moving from sedentary to moderately active. Thereafter, the gains diminish. It doesn’t take much — 30 minutes of moderate-intensity activity will reap the rewards. That means any activity that makes you feel warmer with a slight increase in your breathing. Brisk walking will do it for most, but gardening, golfing carrying your own clubs need not all be in one session — you can accumulate the 30 minutes in two or three slots: for example, a 10-minute walk to the train station in the morning, a 10-minute walk around the block at lunchtime and a final 10-minute walk home in the evening.

4. Eat more vegetables and fruit

While there is much controversy in the world of nutrition, this is the one consistent dietary message from (almost) all camps. Dr Atkins is the stand-out: in his bid to cut carbohydrates to impossible levels, he recommended restricting these foods. While he may have been right about some things, scientific and historical evidence shows this is not one of them. Modern scientific research has identified numerous phytonutrients in plant foods that are of potential benefit for human health. Future research is certain to uncover yet more. That means no supplement can match this array of nutrients.

Eating more vegetables and fruit is probably the most important dietary change you can make. There is compelling evidence that a diet rich in these foods cuts your risk of heart disease and stroke. It can help you to lower your blood pressure and cholesterol, prevent some types of cancer, keep your gut healthy, preventing illnesses such as diverticulitis, and even prevent vision loss caused by macular degeneration or cataract.

Most people find it easy to eat more fruit, but getting enough vegetables is more difficult. The national health promotion campaign of seven a day is not based on the ideal amount, rather the amount deemed achievable by most Australians. The latest US dietary guidelines promote up to 13 serves a day! Try to include vegetables whenever you can — they should make up half the plate for lunch and dinner meals. The more varieties you include, the better (but potatoes don’t count!), and go for an array of colours. The colours usually come from the antioxidants present, so the more colours, the broader your protection.

5. Move vigorously at least three times a week 

Once you are active on most days, add a few sessions of vigorous exercise into your week. I often hear (from men particularly) “I don’t like exercising for exercise’s sake.” Well, in today’s world, you’re going to have to if you want the best health. In the past, physical labour was a part of most people’s daily chores, but that’s no longer true for most people. Yes, exercise can be hard work and tough to find the time, but the rewards are enormous. Vigorous means it should make you “huff  and puff ”. Jogging, hard cycling (including indoor cycling), brisk rowing, circuit training, aerobics classes, some active yoga classes and participation in most sports all count. If you are overweight, getting fit is more important than losing weight. The founder of the famous Cooper Institute in Dallas, Texas, Dr Kenneth Cooper (who introduced “aerobics” to the world in the late 1960s), has shown with his research over the past three decades that being fat and fit is preferable to being thin and unfit. Throw out the scales and join the gym instead!

6. Chooser healthier fats, not less fat

The advice to eat a low-fat diet is out of date. The latest research shows it is not the total amount of fat in your diet that’s important but the type of fat. The worst kind of fat is trans fat. This fat occurs in only tiny amounts naturally but is created during the hydrogenation of vegetable oils in food processing. The first step in improving your fat intake is to avoid trans fats wherever you can. While margarines were a major source, most manufacturers have cleaned up their act and packaged foods are now the worst culprits — and it’s not required that the trans fat content be listed on the nutrition panel. Read the ingredient list and if the word “hydrogenated” appears, put it back. Deep-fat fryers are another common source of trans fats, so avoid deep- fried foods in restaurants. If you base your diet on mostly fresh, whole foods and very few packaged, processed foods, you can be assured of a low trans fat intake.

The second fats to cut down on are saturated fats. These tend to raise your blood cholesterol and may even be more readily stored as body fat compared with unsaturated fats. Primarily, these are animal fats, so you can reduce your intake by choosing lean meats and low-fat dairy products and by using less butter. Palm oil, used in many food products, is also highly saturated, so, again, consuming fewer processed foods is a major step in the right direction. However, not all saturated fats raise cholesterol. Those found in coconut fat and cocoa butter, used to make “proper” chocolate, are exceptions to the rule.

The fats to go for instead are those found in olive oil, avocado, nuts, seeds and oils made from them. The fats we need more of are the omega-3 fats found in oily fish, cod liver oil, seafood, omega-3-rich eggs and linseed. To get enough, you need to be eating oily fish at least twice a week and it seems that good old-fashioned cod liver oil may be the best supplement you can take after all.

7. Choose wholegrains and eat less white flour and refined sugar

Most of us know that too much sugar does us no favours, but white flour is probably even worse. The glycaemic index (GI), a ranking of how foods affect blood sugar levels, shows most products based on white flour have some of the highest GI values, which are mostly higher than for sugary products. The refining of flour also removes numerous nutrients as most are found in the bran part of the grain. Let’s not make the same mistake with carbohydrates that we have with fats — the quality is more important than the quantity.

Go organic

This is the top rung in the ladder, not because I don’t think it’s important or beneficial, but because I have no doubt that the other changes will make a bigger impact on your health. This is the icing on the cake.

We can argue about the nutritional and taste benefits, but there is no doubting the ethical and environmental value of its farming practices. It’s just a shame they can’t be made universal. I agree wholeheartedly with the organic philosophy, but the price differential is a barrier to most Australians. If you can afford it, go for it.  

Joanna is a popular media spokesperson and is the resident nutrition expert for the Today show on the Nine Network. She is a health writer for Life etc magazine and writes a regular column “Ask the Food Doctor” for Slimming & Health. Joanna has authored or co-authored a number of books including the internationally published The Low GI Diet and The Low GI Diet Cookbook. Most recently Joanna teamed up with ‘The Food Coach’ Judy Davie and their joint book Star Foods (ABC Books) was released April 2008. Her next book is a must have guide for all women who want to look and feel their best, called Inner Health Outer Beauty. It will be released by Random House April 2009. www.joannamcmillanprice.com 

By Dr. Tim Sharp

People experience anxiety in many different ways. Some people are prone to feeling stressed and rush around busily every day. Others might be very disabled by their anxiety, feeling so fearful that it is hard for them to leave their home. There are many different types of anxiety problems. Common to most types of anxiety are four main components: (1) the emotional response (the feeling of anxiety), (2) the physical response (bodily reactions), (3) worrisome thoughts, and (4) changes in behaviour, most typically avoidance of the feared situation.

The feeling of anxiety is necessary for our everyday survival. If we did not have this feeling then we would find it difficult to cope with real threats in our environment. Just imagine if you walked out onto the road and suddenly noticed a car coming. You would need some kind of “alarm system” so that you could protect yourself. Anxiety is a tool our body uses to warn us of potential danger and alert our bodies to spring into action and defend ourselves. When we are faced with a threat we need to be able to fight off the threat or run away from it. A system in our bodies called the “fight or flight” response is activated at such times. This produces many physical changes so that we can defend ourselves. The primary aim of this response is to pump blood to the major muscles so that they are “primed” for action. This is why people who feel anxious often experience sensations such as increased heart rate, over-breathing, muscle tension, headaches, sweating, shaking, wobbly legs, tingling limbs, and nausea. These are just some of the sensations associated with the fight or flight response.

This is all perfectly normal and necessary. However, at the same time, anxiety can become a problem when the threat in the environment is not obvious or if the strength of the response to the threat is not compatible with the severity of the threat. It is also a problem if the physical feelings associated with anxiety are  interpreted as harmful and viewed by the person experiencing anxiety as an indication of a serious physical problem. When this occurs, people can experience very distressing feelings of “panic”. Anxiety is definitely a problem if it is prolonged and interferes with a person’s life.

Common types of anxiety include:

·      A fear of something specific, for example a phobia of heights, blood, or spiders.

·      A fear of humiliating or embarrassing oneself in public or a fear of having someone scrutinize and criticise you.

·      A fear of serious physical illness, or panic about something harmful happening to oneself or loved ones. This could include a fear of having a heart attack or going crazy or a fear of contamination.

·      A fear of being trapped or a fear of not being able to escape from situations which are considered to be dangerous. This can lead to avoidance of such situations.

·      Ongoing thoughts or feelings associated with a traumatic life-threatening event that occurred in the past.

·      General worry about things - a constant feeling of uneasiness and difficulty relaxing.

·      A constant preoccupation with something that is very stressful.

·      Performance of certain unusual behaviours, perhaps rituals, to help alleviate the anxiety. Not everyone suffering from anxiety experiences all of these different types. Often the anxiety is about something specific.

What can I do if I’m feeling anxious?

The first thing you need to do is to tell yourself that because you are human it is normal to feel anxious from time to time. Everyone feels anxious at times. It is usually a healthy sign that your body is able to protect itself.

However, if it is very distressing or if it has been interfering significantly in your life, then you might benefit from discussing it with a professional. It is very common for people to need to see someone about their anxiety. Anxiety problems are very prevalent in the community. They are also usually very treatable.

Often when people are suffering from an anxiety problem they can also become quite depressed about it. It is often useful to talk to someone about how you are feeling, and get some help with the depression as well as the anxiety.

One option is to see your GP, and to discuss medication. Generally however, medication is not necessary. It is advisable to be cautious about taking medications for anxiety as these medications can be addictive and can have unpleasant side-effects. Furthermore, there are other effective ways of learning how to cope with anxiety. A clinical psychologist, for example, can help you to overcome your worries without drugs.

What can a clinical psychologist do about my anxiety?

A clinical psychologist will start by listening to your concerns. He or she will ask some questions about your anxiety and about some of the things that have happened in your life, especially things that have happened recently which might have contributed to your feelings of anxiety. During the first session, the clinical psychologist will discuss with you what your best options for treatment are, and what interventions might be necessary. If both of you agree on treatment, the clinical psychologist will work with you closely and help you to develop skills in managing your anxiety. Most clinical psychologists practice cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) which is proven to be a highly effective treatment for anxiety conditions. In essence, this approach involves helping people to (1) develop ways to change unhelpful behaviour patterns (such as developing strategies for gradually decreasing avoidance of feared situations, and learning relaxation techniques), (2) modify unhelpful and worrisome thinking patterns, and (3) work through current problems in life that might be contributing to your anxiety. It is a relatively short-term treatment approach which usually occurs over a few weeks. The length of time and the specific format of treatment will depend on your individual concerns. It is important to realise that CBT is a very effective intervention.

Dr. Sharp is one of Australia’s leaders in the exciting new science of positive psychology and happiness. In short, he is one of this country’s leading Executive Coaches, a highly qualified consultant on matters relating to human behaviour and psychology (particularly the application of positive psychology principles within organisations and teams) and a sought after public/corporate speaker. For more information please emailinfo@thehappinessinstitute or visit The Happiness Institute