by Andrew May

When under extreme pressure or in high stress situations, you might find that you tend to think about things in negative and unhelpful ways. (‘I can’t do this!’ or ‘Why does this always happen to me?’, for example.)

Understanding the way you think is the first step to flipping the switch and having more Positive Automatic Thoughts (POT’s) and less Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANT’s). Recognising your ANT’s is the first step in learning to change them.

Learning how to identify unhelpful thoughts, and then to challenge and change them, can significantly reduce your negative emotions – whether or not you’ve managed to get yourself out of that pressure-cooker situation or job that caused them. Read the ‘stinking thinking top 10’ and think whether you have any of the following ANT’s.

1.    over-generalising ollie

This type comes to a general conclusion based on a single event or one piece of evidence. If something bad happens once, Ollie expects it to happen again and again. His thoughts often include the words ‘always’ and ‘never’. For example:

* I forgot to finish that project on time. I never manage to do things right.

* He didn’t want to go out with me. I’ll always be lonely.

2.    filtering freddy (selective abstraction)

Filtering Freddy is the most selective guy there is. He concentrates on the negatives while ignoring the positives. If this is you, you tend to ignore important information that contradicts your (negative) view of the situation. For example:

* I know my boss said most of my submission was great, but he also said there were a number of mistakes that had to be corrected … he must think I’m really hopeless.

3.    black and white bob (dichotomous reasoning)

B&W Bob thinks in all-or-nothing terms and has a tendency to view things in the extreme, with no middle ground. For example:

* I made so many mistakes … if I can’t do it perfectly I might as well not bother.

* I won’t be able to get all of this done, so I may as well not start it anyway.

* This job is so bad … there’s nothing good about it at all.

4.    personalising paula

Personalising Paula takes responsibility for something – anything – that is not her fault. This personality thinks that whatever people say or do is in reaction to you, or in some way related to you. For example:

* John’s in a terrible mood. It must have been something I did.

* It’s obvious she doesn’t like me, otherwise she would’ve said hello.

* I didn’t get the job because of my appearance.

5.    charlie catastrophiser

Charlie is always overestimating the chances of disaster. He constantly expects something unbearable or intolerable to happen. Such thoughts often begin with ‘what if…?’ For example:

* What if I make a fool of myself and people start laughing at me.

* What if I haven’t turned the iron off and the house burns down.

* If I don’t perform well, I’ll get the sack.

6.    emotional eddie (emotional reasoning)

Eddie mistakes feelings for facts. All the negative things he feels about himself just have to be true – because they feel true. For example:

* I feel like a failure, therefore I am a failure.

* I feel ugly, therefore I must be ugly.

* I feel hopeless; therefore my situation must be hopeless.

7.    mind-reading murray

Murray makes assumptions about other people’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours without checking the evidence. For example:

Greg is talking to Molly so he must like her more than me.

* I can tell he hates my shirt.

* I could tell he thought I was stupid in the interview.

8.    fortune-telling francis

Francis is a regular psychic. He anticipates an outcome and assumes his prediction is correct. These negative expectations can be self-fulfilling: predicting what we would do on the basis of past behaviour may prevent the possibility of change. For example:

* I’ve always been like this; I’ll never be able to change.

* It’s not going to work out, so there’s not much point even trying.

* This relationship is sure to fail.

9.    ‘shoulda’ sheree

Using ‘should‘, ‘ ought’ or ‘must’ statements, Sheree sets up unrealistic expectations of herself and others. This involves operating by rigid rules and not allowing for flexibility or individual differences. For example:

* I shouldn’t get angry.

* People should be nice to me all the time.

10.    magnification mary/minimisation martha

Mary and Martha have A tendency to exaggerate the importance of negative information or experiences, while trivialising or reducing the significance of positive information or experiences. For example:

* He noticed I spilled something on my shirt. I know he said he will go out with me again, but I bet he doesn’t call.

* Supporting my friend when her mother died still doesn’t make up for that time I got angry at her last year.

The four steps to optimistic thinking

Putting it simply, here’s how you go about replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.

1. Think about how you think.

2. Identify unhelpful ANTs (‘stinking thinking’).

3. Challenge your ANTs.

4. Replace ANTs with POTs.

Here’s how you put these steps into action.

1.    think about how you think

Hold on, this might sound a bit out there, but in essence it is about increasing your awareness of your cognitive processes – the way you think. The best way to do this is to start keeping a thought diary. Write down your thoughts (and feelings – they’re just as important) in different situations throughout the day. Note carefully the relationship between certain types of thoughts and certain types of feelings. At this stage, don’t worry about changing anything. Right now you’re learning to become aware of how you think in different situations (especially when under stress).

2.    identify unhelpful ANTs!

Automatic negative thoughts are a fancy way of describing the sort of thoughts that our friends Personalising Paula and Mind-reading Murray are having on a daily basis. It’s easy to see someone else’s thoughts, written down on paper, and think they look funny and over-the-top. But we all have these thought processes, whether it’s being over the top about something small, or believing that you’ve failed without even trying your hand at something. And although it’s perfectly normal constant ANTs lead to reduced output and performance. And, frankly, too many ANTs will make you an unhappy camper.

3.    challenge your ANTs

Just because you think something does not mean it’s true. Thoughts are not necessarily facts. If your ANTs are causing unnecessary distress you need to learn how to challenge or change them. Next time you hear the little voice in your head saying something negative, ask it a question. ‘Is that true?’ ‘Is that a helpful thought?’ ‘Is it really that bad?’

4.    replace your ANTs with POTs (positive optimistic thoughts)

We’re not talking about Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men, rather the final step in the optimistic thinking process. Once you’ve begun the process of identifying and challenging your negative thoughts, it is time to start planting positive thoughts. That doesn’t mean they have to be unrealistic – in fact, they shouldn’t be.

You need to now begin to add to the preceding strategies by:

* actively focusing on all the good things in your life

* actively looking for more good things in your life

* looking at difficult situations as opportunities to learn, and

* believing good things will happen in the future.
Every time you’ve captured a negative thought and challenged it, throw it a yellow card. Give it a positive thought – and although it might feel silly at first, soon you’ll realise that the negative thoughts are silly as well.

When you’ve mastered these steps you’ll experience more positive thoughts and fewer energy-draining thoughts. Make sure you do all you can to challenge your ANTs and replace them with POTs – it’s an ongoing process, but you’ll find that you quickly become good at squashing the ANTs in your life.

Andrew May is is considered Australia’s leading expert on performance and productivity and is the author of the bestselling book, Flip the Switch. Andrew speaks at conferences across the globe, mentors CEO’s and senior managers. He is published throughout national and international media, with regular segments on 2UE radio, Mix 106.5 Body and Soul and Channel Nine’s TODAY show.

By Kaitlin Walsh

IT’S ON for young and old. December hits and with it the banquets, the buffets, the drinks, the nibbles – the extra salt, extra sugar, extra fat and … extra kilos. Yet it need not be so. Follow this simple guide to eating less to reduce your waistline – and your New Year regrets.

Step one: be mindful of portion size

Research shows that we are inclined to believe that whatever sized meal we are presented is appropriate and many of us will guts the lot on that basis – even if we dimly realise that it looks rather large and tell ourselves that that we will make up for it by eating less at the next meal. This seldom happens and we tuck in next time with just as much gusto. So go small. In a world of upsized everything, it’s time to take a step down and not eat everything on our plates. If it comes with fries, order it without. If it comes with sauce or dressing, order a half portion on the side. Eat slowly and order the small size of everything, whether at the movies, in a restaurant, eating takeaway. Do not be convinced that you are saving money buy buying a bigger sized snack, meal or ‘treat’ – it’s the oldest marketing trick in the book. All it does is get you way more calories than you need – for just a little bit more than you would have spent otherwise. Which makes you a two-time loser.

Step two: focus on your food

It sounds counterintuitive, but many, many studies have shown that the more distracted you are, the more likely you are to eat more, while if you think and focus on your food you may make wiser choices. That’s why TV snacks and cinema buckets of popcorn should sound the alert, loud and clear. You can easily dispose of a packet of Maltesers and a choc and barely realise it. So avoid eating except when your focus is on what and how much. This applies equally to parties where snacks and canapés are being passed around while you chat and charm the other guests. Decide beforehand what you will eat, forego the fried nibblies and nuts and home in on a moderate number of foods that are decent. Scope the canapés or snacks on offer, decide what are the ‘safest’ and literally limit and then count the number of items you eat. And sure, have a couple of less-healthy bits for enjoyment but keep it to just that – a couple.

Step three : beware the buffet

You need to approach a buffet with well planned, military precision. You know that old saying about the ‘dessert stomach’ – that is you may feel more than elegantly sufficed after the main course but can always squeeze in some chocolate? Well, it may have a basis in scientific fact. Increasingly, nutritionists believe that we are programmed to crave and eat a variety of foods to ensure our bodies get the variety of nutrients we need. Hence our ability to load up four plates of different food types at a buffet. Yes – we have all at least seen (if not done) it. Of course evolution is a bit behind the eight ball here having not quite caught up with the variety of foods on offer at almost every turn (have you checked the tuna aisle lately?). So we need to focus on what’s available, what we really want, what is an appropriate serving and stick to a plan. Aim to eat one plate, several different food varieties – and a small dessert if so minded.

Step four: consider the energy load

Take the edge off your appetite with foods that enable you to eat lashings with relatively little calorific expenditure. So remember that you can literally load up on fish, veggies, lean meats (bear in mind that lean protein is great for staving off hunger – giving what we call ‘satiety’) with tasty low calories dips and sauces – which will ‘cost’ you exactly the same of just a tablespoon or so of oil, a single donut or fried item or a handful of salty snacks. Be aware of how much veggie equals how much oil equals how much animal fat equals how much fish and so on so you can make intelligent decisions. To give you an idea, there are four calories in a gram of carbohydrate or protein and nine calories in a gram of fat. These nutrients also differ in how quickly and easily they can be metabolised and burned as energy. Carbohydrates are the quickest and fats are the slowest. So you can eat way more fat, way more quickly – and it takes way longer to burn it off than carbs or proteins.

Step five: get the soup habit

Intersperse your big meals and nights out with some truly lean occasions that will help reduce your overall intake, provide you with high quality nutrients and satisfy your hunger. Yep – we are talking delicious, home made vegetable soup. Saute some onion, carrot, garlic and celery in a spray of olive oil. Add any spices or flavourings you want – a touch of cumin works well – then add stock or water and all your favourite veggies and legumes such as beans, lentils or chick peas. A dollop of tomato paste can add further flavour. Eat up as big as you like and know that you’ve done every bit of yourself a favour. Try that a few times a week to give yourself a break and your body will thank you for it. Keep some frozen stocks on had so you never have an excuse to avoid it and experiment with recipes to ensure you get the variety and enjoyment we all crave.

The sting in the tail is, of course, that if you drink buckets of alcohol as you go, much of the good you do will be undone. As well as the calorie load imparted, being affected by alcohol impairs your judgement and you may well find yourself blissfully uncaring about what you eat. Until the next day – or 3am the following morning.

So remember – intersperse your alcoholic drinks with soda or plain water, go for light beer and remember how good it feels not to be hung over, remorseful or embarrassed the day after a big event. Leave that to somebody else this year.

This is article is courtesy of Super Living. Live and invest with attitude

by Rosemary Marchese

So now do I have your attention? Yes, I did say ‘health and fitness is all about time management’. Have you tried all the weight loss programs, diet pills, milkshakes and other supplements? But overall what has stood the test of time – exercise and healthy eating!

When it comes to achieving a healthy mind and body you may really need to ask yourself: ‘Am I really doing enough?’ Are you working overtime constantly yet never get the most out of that gym membership you’re paying for? It’s time to re-evaluate your position and your goals. Losing weight can happen along with overall health and fitness. First, it’s important to have a medical check-up to eliminate any serious health conditions that could be affecting your ability or motivation to exercise.

Get some sleep!

The first step to overall health and fitness, and also weight loss if that is your goal, is a great night sleep. Quality sleep patterns have helped many people trying to lose weight. Yes, that’s right! Sound sleeping also gives you the energy that you need during the day to exercise, work and play. Try to go to sleep at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning. Avoid sleeping in beyond 8am and take a short nap in the afternoon if you feel you need the extra boost.

Exhaustion or relaxation?

The day-to-day ‘must-do’s’ in life seem to keep growing. Many of you may consequently find that you are mistaking pure exhaustion with relaxation time. If you find that the first time you have to yourself all day involves sitting on the lounge to watch whatever is on TV at the time, and then falling asleep in front of the TV, chances are you are not getting the quality sleep that you need. Use exercise as a form of relaxation or time to yourself but also try to get some ‘doing nothing’ time, even if it’s just for fifteen minutes per day.

When planning your day, week or year, try to list all the things you need to achieve and how and when you are going to achieve them. For example schedule specific times to exercise rather than saying ‘I am going to exercise five times this week’. If you have a specific schedule or plan for how things will fit into your life, rather than a long ‘to-do’ list, it may make it less stressful for you.

Make time to exercise

Everyone needs a lunch break so take one! Avoid eating lunch at your desk and integrate exercise into your lunch break. This could be a stroll down to a local park or shop. Intense exercise at lunch-time may help some of you to perk up for a productive afternoon. Others may find that the casual stroll with a friend or a yoga class will help to clear the mind and refresh you for the afternoon ahead.

When planning your exercise routine I always like to recommend trying the morning if it’s possible. This gives you a fresh start to the day and also frees your evenings up to be with family and friends. Most people find that their days get busier as they progress so a morning exercise session ensures that you have prioritized yourself right from the start and excuses can’t get in the way.  If you set the alarm clock and ensure you get out of bed straight away you will give yourself less time to make excuses. If you leave it to the afternoon many other commitments can get in the way. But the best time to exercise is always the time that suits you best and that you can stay committed to. If you can commit to afternoon sessions at the gym or a regular sport then go for it!

Don’t forget sports as an option, especially if you are looking to meet new people. Join a local club and try a few new sports until you find what works for you. If you find that you spend more time driving kids to their sporting commitments than exercising yourself try getting more physically involved in your kids’ sport, such as refereeing. All incidental exercise contributes to your health and fitness.

Plan your eating

Eating well is a fundamental principle of a healthy and fit body and mind. Organise your meals early in the week. Pack your lunch for work when you pack the kids’ lunches – and do it the night before. This will ensure a healthy body and a healthy wallet. Spending money on lunches will often cost you more than a yearly gym membership once you do the figures. If you are working long hours and over-time you may need to evaluate whether the extra hours are costing you money in other ways, such as lunches. Don’t forget to have days or outings where you are more lenient about what you eat. Think of it as a healthy eating plan rather than a diet – everything in moderation.

So…

1.    Take care of number one – you!
2.    Say ‘no’ if you can’t fit in that appointment.
3.    Have a good budget and work out if working extra hours is really worth it at all.
4.    Plan your eating, structured exercise and incidental physical activity.

Rosemary is a registered physiotherapist who has combined her expertise in health with fitness. She has over 15 years of experience teaching and consulting in the fitness industry, including personal training, PUMP and Pilates instructing. She is the co-author of the best-selling book ‘The Essential Guide to Fitness: For the Fitness Instructor’, which was specifically written for those people wanting to start a career in the fitness industry. She is also a former Editor for a fitness magazine and is now writing her second fitness book. Rosemary is a fit and healthy mother of two young children dedicated to helping busy mums achieve their health and fitness goals. www.rosemarymarchese.com

by Joanna McMillan Price

Life used to be simple. You spread butter on your bread, melted it over vegetables and used it in cooking. Then new research discovered that saturated fat raises our cholesterol and increases our risk of heart disease.

More than 65 per cent of the fat in butter is saturated. Very quickly butter topped the “bad food” list.
Margarine, originally produced as a cheap spread, was suddenly promoted as the healthy choice and sales took off. Then scientists discovered the chemical process used to turn an oil into a spread created a type of fat called trans fat that was even worse than saturated fat.

Margarine was invented by a Frenchman in 1870, although it only became popular during and after the war years. Today, margarine sales far outweigh butter sales, largely because of the perceived health benefits. But can a modern manufactured product really be healthier than the fat made from churning wholesome cow’s milk? As a passionate believer in eating “real” food as much as possible, I struggle with the idea that we can manufacture something that is better for us than a relatively simple food consumed for thousands of years. But I’ll give you the facts and you can make up your own mind.

The saturated fat in butter is not good for us as it tends to raise “bad” LDL cholesterol in blood, increasing our risk of heart disease. Plus, manufacturers of margarines responded quickly to the information on trans fats and produced a new generation of margarines with little or no trans fats.

Because of the oils used to make margarine such as canola, sunflower, olive and soy it’s generally high in healthy mono and polyunsaturated fats, which have the ability to lower LDL cholesterol. In fact, a
US study of 46 families published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that substituting margarine for butter lowered blood cholesterol levels.

Plant sterol margarines, which bind cholesterol in the gut, preventing it from being re-absorbed, take it a step further. Studies have shown that these margarines can be effective in lowering cholesterol. There’s no doubt that if you have pre-existing high cholesterol levels, a plant sterol margarine can help, possibly reducing the need for cholesterol-lowering drugs. The only catch is you have to make sure you use
enough of it — a fairly generous spread on 3-4 slices of bread — and it’s more expensive.

Butter lovers can take heart from the fact that butter contains several essential nutrients — in particular, the fat-soluble vitamins A, D and E. In our obsession with reducing fat, we were actually neglecting these nutrients, though margarines are now fortified with them.

So what will it be — butter or margarine? I’m going to play devil’s advocate and suggest neither. Butter is clearly not the best sort of fat for heart health. Margarine is a modern invention and not a part of traditional diets around the world. An olive oil margarine is not the same as a Mediterranean-style, olive oil-based diet, and an omega-3 enriched margarine is not the same as a diet high in fish and seafood.

Try brushing your bread with olive oil, use a nut spread on toast, spread mashed avocado in sandwiches and cook with olive or other healthy oils. It’s simple, really.

Joanna is a popular media spokesperson and is the resident nutrition expert for the Today show on the Nine Network. She is a health writer for Life etc magazine and writes a regular column “Ask the Food Doctor” for Slimming & Health. Joanna has authored or co-authored a number of books including the internationally published The Low GI Diet and The Low GI Diet Cookbook. Most recently Joanna teamed up with ‘The Food Coach’ Judy Davie and their joint book Star Foods (ABC Books) was released April 2008. Her next book is a must have guide for all women who want to look and feel their best, called Inner Health Outer Beauty. It will be released by Random House April 2009. www.joannamcmillanprice.com

by Andrew May

Everyone can benefit from regular exercise. Moderately exercising (such as a brisk walk) for at least 30 minutes a day for most days of the week will give benefits to overall health. People who exercise regularly enjoy the following benefits:
• Have lower blood pressure
• Find it easier to manage weight
• Have less chance of a heart attack
• Live longer
• Have strong muscles and bones
• Sleep better
• Feel more relaxed and confident
• Are less stressed

Here are some simple ways to get moving on your way to an active life:

1. Use the stairs rather than the lift or escalator where you can. If there is no option, walk up the escalator, rather than standing still.

2. When taking the bus or train, get off one stop early and walk the rest of the way.

3. Get out into the garden and enjoy the weeding.

4. Organise lunchtime activities with your workmates, or just go for a walk at lunchtime.

5. Wherever possible, walk or ride a bike instead of using a car.

6. Start and/or end each day with a walk around the neighbourhood (especially during daylight savings when there are plenty more daylight hours at the end of your day).

7. Next get together with your friends. Instead of the pub, why not go bowling, bush-walking, play tennis or some social cricket?

8. Hide the remote controls in the house and get up to change channels on the TV. Remember, exercise is an opportunity, not an inconvenience!

9. Join a sporting group, recreation club or gym.

10. Learn to play golf.

11. Hire an exercise bike so you can exercise at home.

12. Choose active leisure activities – walking on the beach, throwing a Frisbee in the park, bike-riding.

13. Take an exercise class – at a gym, in a community hall or at work.

14. Take your kids or grandkids to play ball in the park.

15. Walk to the next office to give a colleague a message, instead of sending emails!

Remember, find an activity you enjoy and that way you are more likely to keep it up!

Andrew May is is considered Australia’s leading expert on performance and productivity and is the author of the bestselling book, Flip the Switch. Andrew speaks at conferences across the globe, mentors CEO’s and senior managers. He is published throughout national and international media, with regular segments on 2UE radio, Mix 106.5 Body and Soul and Channel Nine’s TODAY show.

by Craig Harper

Yesterday we began to look at the role that Perception plays in our lives and towards the end of the article the question was asked “How do people perceive you?”

Here’s the last paragraph:

Do we really want to know how others see us? Yes we do. And if you don’t, you should. For a range of reasons. On Monday I’m going to tell you why not knowing how others perceive you puts you at a disadvantage, both professionally and personally. In life, in love and in business. And no, I’m definitely not saying that we should be obsessed with, or worried about how people see us. What I am saying is that most of us could do with a little more awareness and a little more understanding of how those around us see the world and everything in it. Including us.

A Scary Thought

The idea of knowing how people perceive us can be a scary thought, can’t it? On the one hand we’re curious to know what they think of us, but at the same time we don’t really want our feelings hurt or our already-fragile self esteem to take a further battering. Our curiosity and our propensity to self-protect intersect. But in truth it shouldn’t be about either of those things (curiosity or self-protection), it should really be about increasing our understanding, knowledge and awareness of human behaviour, communication, connection and beginning to learn how the people in our world (friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances) are wired.

Even the Chick on the Third Floor

Like it or not, every person that you and I interact with on some level - every person, every conversation, every situation, every day - has an opinion of you. Even the guy who sells you your paper and that chick on the third floor who you’ve never even spoken to. Big or small, accurate or not, good or bad, informed or ignorant, they all have an opinion and everyone in your world sees you in a certain way because consciously or not, you are constantly sending messages to those around you. Even when you’re not speaking, you’re telling those around you something about you. Keeping in mind that over ninety percent of communication is non-verbal, it’s easy to understand how we’re constantly ’speaking’ to those around us without uttering a single word or even being aware of it. It’s simple; to be more effective, we need to be more aware of what we’re saying (and not saying) to the people we come into contact with. Interestingly, the messages we think we’re sending are often quite completely different to what the majority are perceiving. And therein lies the challenge and the lesson Grasshoppers.

Worry Not

When I discuss this subject, I often get strong reactions from people who assert that “we shouldn’t worry about what others think of us”. Well, I totally agree with you; we shouldn’t worry (as such) but we should at the very least, have an awareness of how we are perceived by others. And not coming from a place of insecurity or some kind of need to be popular or liked, but for the purpose of being able to create and develop more effective, meaningful and rewarding relationships in all areas of our lives.

Communication

We know that on an interpersonal level, communication is our most important life skill. If we can’t communicate effectively with others (in our private and professional lives) then we can’t create that deep level of understanding and connection that brings us happiness, fulfilment and harmony. In fact, we’re more likely to create misunderstanding and disconnection because we’re constantly offending people, misreading situations and conversations and communicating inappropriately for that person, that situation and/or that conversation.

Am not, You are.

If you’re a teacher and the majority of your students consider you to be arrogant, then (1) you might wanna be aware of that and (2) you might wanna change your approach and your communication style. No, it’s not about compromising your message, your standards or being a people pleaser, it’s about understanding both sides of the communication process. After all, your students don’t live in your head and they don’t necessarily understand your intentions. Is it possible for you to be perceived as being arrogant without actually being so or realising that’s how people see you? Yep. And in this situation (as a teacher) you will need to learn, adapt, modify your style, increase your awareness and possibly get some humility… or sink. Or perhaps find a job where effective communication ain’t so high on the must-have list.

When Perception is Reality

If you’ve got teenage kids whose perception (rightly or wrongly) is that you’re too busy for them and that you care more about yourself than you do them (and you happen to be unaware of what they’re thinking and feeling), then you’re in trouble. Keeping in mind that their reality is in their head, their belief (about you not caring) is completely real. For them. Whether or not it’s our kids, our colleagues, our friends or the weird guy who lives over the fence, we need to learn to speak other people’s language and get a glimpse of (or insight into) their reality, if we want to have meaningful and productive communication with them . The question we need to ask ourselves is:

“How do I need to speak with this person (there’s no generic approach), in this situation, at this point in time, to create meaningful connection, real understanding and to produce the best possible outcome for both parties?”

Yes, it all sounds a little strategic, that’s okay; strategy is always better than ignorance or stumbling along in the dark. The truth is that in many situations and circumstances the majority of us have no idea of how people perceive us. We think we do, but in reality, we don’t. How could we, we’re not mind readers. We don’t live in their head, we live in ours but in some ways, we need to get a glimpse of what it’s like in their mind. You’ve never had a face-to-face conversation with you, have you? Sure, you have those internal dialogues but (naturally) you see everything through your eyes.

So how can we become more aware of how we’re perceived by others?

1. Listen more than you speak. Some people simply love the sound of their own voice. They don’t talk with people, they talk at them. They don’t have conversations, they give lectures. They don’t really want connection, mutual understanding or to listen to others, they want an audience and some attention. A soapbox. These people are highly unaware. Often deluded. Egotistical. Insecure. The only person who doesn’t know how annoying and self-absorbed they are, is them. “But enough about me, what do you think of me?”
2. Watch people. Consciously become more aware of people’s body language, their typical behaviours, habits and reactions and their non-verbal communication. What people do will tell you far more (about them) than what they say. Become more attuned to how they behave, react and communicate around you. Start to look at old things (friendships, situations, your marriage, business relationships) in a new way (put on some different glasses) and you’ll be surprised at what you learn. Most of us don’t see things, not because they’re not there to be seen, but because we simply don’t look for them or have that level of awareness. It’s like when you buy a new car and all of a sudden you see a million cars exactly like yours on the road. Yesterday you saw none, today a million. The only difference being that today you are infinitely more aware. Your perception has changed. You’re the same… but different. You’re driving on the same roads, in the same traffic (essentially) as you do every day, but instantly something has changed; your eyes have been opened to something you couldn’t or wouldn’t see yesterday. The lessons, the signs and the indicators are all there… but only if you want to see them. Of course we do this with our relationships and interaction with others; we see (1) what we want to see and (2) what we’ve been programmed to see over time.
3. Ask for feedback. If people feel safe and comfortable to give you feedback, they will. The trick is making them feel that way. Be open to that feedback and you’ll see things change for the better quickly. It’s easier said than done but do your best to avoid being defensive and precious. It is what it is. If they think it, they think it. Hear it, consider it and move on. By the way, hearing it doesn’t mean you need to agree with them. No, it just means that now you know how they think and feel. It certainly can save a lot of time, energy, problem-solving, guess-work and heart-ache if they will just tell us (honestly) what they think. Knowing how and what people think puts you in a better position to be able to communicate more effectively, openly and honestly and to create healthy relationships over the long haul because it means the conversations and relationships are not based on assumptions, misinformation or some kind of pseudo-connection. Sure, it’s not always an easy or comfortable process (to be so real and honest) but it’s well worth the effort.

I’m not done with this subject just yet, but that will do for now.

Craig Harper is a motivational speaker, qualified exercise scientist, author, radio presenter, television personality and owner of one of the largest personal training centres in the world. Visit Craig’s website motivational speaker for more life lessons.

by Craig Harper

Different Realities

Perception is an interesting thing. For the most part, it’s our reality. How we see things… is how it is. In our world anyway. And as I’ve said many times before, we exist and operate in a physical, three-dimensional world, but where we do most of our living, is in our head. We create our own reality (thinking, beliefs, values, fears, expectations, attitudes, standards, habits, behaviours) and we reside there for a lifetime. Sadly, some of us suffer there for a lifetime.

A Collision

Doing what I do for a living (okay, it’s a passion), I’m always interested to see how people respond to various situations, circumstances, events and challenges. Watching their perception (their version of reality) collide with a practical, day-to-day existence in the physical world is always enlightening. Observing how they interpret and react to different conversations. How they perceive and interact with other people. While one person interprets a particular situation as a disaster, another will see the same thing as an exciting opportunity. Someone else will see it as a lesson. And yet another will sleep through it. It’s also interesting when their reality (in relation to potential, change, possibilities, beliefs and ideologies) collides with mine.

Why all the Different Responses?

Because it’s not about the situation, the circumstance or the event, it’s about the person in it. It’s about what they believe is happening. What that experience represents to them - keeping in mind that things only have the meaning we give them. What will amuse one person (the rubber snake in the toilet perhaps) will terrify another because their reality is subjective; the same event isn’t the same at all. One will laugh, the other will cry. And not only will there be a different emotional and psychological response, but there will be a different physiological reaction also. Depending on what the event (in this case the snake) represents to the individual (their reality), their body will produce happy hormones or stress-response hormones. Yep, in some situations, how we see things actually determines what our endocrine system does; what kind of hormones it produces. Just thinking about something scary can produce metabolic, hormonal, cardio-vascular and respiratory changes in our body. Now that is freaky. Powerful thing the human mind. If only we knew how to drive it properly!!

That’s so Not Fair

Have you ever been through the experience of being wrongly judged or labelled by someone? Perhaps they thought you were aloof or arrogant, when in fact you were shy? Maybe someone considered you to be a complete snob because you didn’t acknowledge them, when in fact, you didn’t even see them. Perhaps someone assumed you were stupid, when you were actually nervous or intimidated. Maybe someone assessed you as flirtatious because you smiled (it happens). Or perhaps someone assumed weakness when you were simply being kind and accommodating? In my work I am constantly being assessed. I get emails every day from people giving me feedback about my performance; what I do, write and say and how they perceive me. While most of it is positive, it ain’t always. I have had feedback from different people in the same workshop on the same day ranging from “you’re a dickhead” to “that’s the best workshop I’ve ever attended.”

“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are” Anais Nin

How does that happen? Because we all see, hear and experience different things - even in the same place at the same time. We create our own reality. We all interpret a different message. That’s why it’s possible for me to motivate one person and intimidate another at the same time with the same words!! Because it’s not about the message I’m intending to convey, it’s about what they believe I’m saying; how they are receiving it. Their reality. Their perception.

Assessing and Being Assessed

Like it or hate it, people see you (interpret your behaviour, your habits, your communication, your appearance) in a certain way. They will form an opinion of who you are, how you are and why you are. Without even knowing you. We all do it every day. From the moment you meet someone new, they are assessing you and you are assessing them. That’s how it works. That’s how we work. Everything you have experienced thus far in your life has taught you how the world works and how people are wired. And those lessons have given you an instinctive and unconscious ability to be able to assess situations and people quickly. Often with a high level of accuracy. But not always.

Perception Central

In the course of my work I do a lot of flying. Sure, my arms get tired. If only I had more feathers. Sorry, couldn’t help myself. Juvenile. Moron. Anyway… planes are kinda cool places because they are a microcosm of humanity. Being the geek and student of life that I am, I love to guess about my fellow sardines. Er, passengers. You’ll never find an environment where more assuming, judging, hypothesizing and labelling takes place than inside a plane. It’s like Perception Central. From the moment you hand over your boarding pass you’re being judged and you’re judging others. Our perception tells us that we should avoid eye contact with the big, scary-looking, tattooed bloke who’s making his way down the aisle (naturally, he’s going to kill us), and the same perception tells us that it’s not only okay to make eye contact with the cute four year-old boy, but that we should probably pat him on the head as he passes by. Until of course, he bites our index finger off with his cute four year-old teeth. Little treasure.

Are you a Policeman?

When I talk to people on planes they invariably ask me what I do for a living. Instead of answering them, I say “what do you think I do?” I have done this many (many) times and mostly the response I get is “you’re either a policeman or you’re in the military.” At least six or seven out of every ten people have a similar perception based entirely on my appearance; shaved head and beef-cake-ness. Clearly I don’t look or sound like a neuro-surgeon, an astronaut, a cabaret singer or a pastry chef. That’s it, I’m growing a pony-tail.

Beware the 1978 Volvo

Let’s say you’re in a hurry to get somewhere in your car and you’re approaching a set of traffic lights. There are two lanes for you to choose as you approach the intersection. In one lane there’s a 1978 beige Volvo Station Wagon, in the other there’s a new Red Porsche. Without thinking you pull in behind the Porsche because clearly the chances of you being delayed are significantly less behind a Porsche. You make that judgement in milliseconds because of your perception of (1) what kind of driver might be behind the wheel of each car (2) the likely acceleration of each car (3) how the respective drivers of those cars might typically pull away from a set of traffic lights and (4) we all know that red cars are fast!! The Porsche roars off, you experience minimal delay and your perception has served you well. But then again, the whole ‘choosing lanes thing’ might just be a boy thing. Or maybe a me thing.

So how do people perceive you?

Do we really want to know how others see us? Yes we do. And if you don’t, you should. For a range of reasons. On Monday I’m going to tell you why not knowing how others perceive you puts you at a disadvantage both professionally and personally. In life, in love and in business. And no, I’m definitely not saying that we should be obsessed with, or worried about how people see us. What I am saying is that most of us could do with a little more awareness and a little more understanding of how those around us see the world and everything in it. Including us.

Feel free to share a story of where you’ve judged or been judged. Or just say hi and share your thoughts.

Craig Harper is a motivational speaker, qualified exercise scientist, author, radio presenter, television personality and owner of one of the largest personal training centres in the world. Visit Craig’s website motivational speaker for more life lessons.

By Rob wilkins

OK. I am going to get a bit scientific this month. Recently I got together with some networking colleagues and had a discussion on trust in the workplace. Is it being eroded? Does it exist? Or does everyone have an inherent level of distrust because of their own personal values and what they are trying to achieve? I have tried to capture my thoughts based on those aspects of the discussion that resonated with me, and have drawn on some university research I did.

An Illustrative Connection Of Trust And How It Is Impacted

My reflection led me to try and “make sense” of what role I thought trust played in the context of workplace management but more importantly (for me), how the states of trust referred to by Maija-Leena Huotari and Mirja Ivonen in their book “Trust in Knowledge Management Systems in Organizations”, are impacted by the influences my fellow participants raised in the discussion. Knowledge remember, is considered power!

Figure 1 articulates this for me and I will use this as the centrepiece of my reflection.

Two theorists, Huotari and Ivonen, say that trust means different things to people but systematically contains 3 things:

• A mere mental attitude (prediction and evaluation) towards another person, a simple disposition;
• A decision to rely upon the other, i.e., an intention to delegate and trust, which makes the trustor “vulnerable”
• A behaviour, i.e., the intentional act of trusting, and the consequent relationship between the trustor and the trustee.”

These are shown across the top of figure 1 above.

I found myself questioning these three states and testing them against my current and held beliefs on trust. I formed the opinion that I fluctuated between each of these states depending on the condition or impact at the time.

If the situation was one where there was a lot of emotion involved then I could relate the volatility of the moment and the types of situations where different emotions would impact my trust of an individual. If I feel elation for instance I would have a positive mental attitude, would more than likely favour a person to with a decision to trust and the act or behaviour that would ensue would re-enforce the relationship with that person. Conversely, if I feel anger then all three would tend to be negative and the subsequent trust would be almost non-existent.

Similarly, there was an extensive amount of conversation about the validation of information from experts in order for them to be cited as a trusted source. Whilst it was argued that most of the participants needed to have some validation that the information/knowledge was from a trusted source, there was also some, myself included, that argued that knowledge from a critical mass could be trusted just by sheer weight of agreement. The need for validation however, was observed as an impact on my “states of trust” and in particular on my mental attitude or disposition towards the source as well as my decision to rely on that source.

One very strong observation I made is that context has a massive impact on each of the states of trust and influence debate and discussion consistently. As examples or “context” were given, discussion and debate would change and modify based on that context and this would help people form opinion on trust. An example was the debate between self-publishing verses publishing through a recognised authority. Whilst it incorporated the natural debate of validation it also raised questions as to what context the publishing was taking place in. If it was in a reputable Blog (or the recharge lounge) for instance then it might be considered a trusted source. If published in a WIKI then maybe not? I concluded that context will impact the states of trust consistently.

Reciprocity was an impact that seemed to hold a strong place of consideration amongst the participants. The view was generally held that in order for trust to take place reciprocity was a needed behaviour. I generally think that the impact of reciprocity is required in relationships and impacts the behavioural state of trust. But conversely, if the trust you seek is purely whether to trust a certain piece of information, then reciprocity is not required as an individual takes it upon themselves to “make sense” of whether they can trust the information or not. I therefore concluded that reciprocity was an impact only on the behavioural state of trust.

The impact of history is something else I thought needed to be taken into account when considering the impacts on the states of trust. It would appear that the more history a relationship or piece of knowledge has, the more each state of trust is impacted. My observations centred around the research I did for the topic and what in particular I found to be trusted conversations and resources. In addition if you look at what other participants cited in their research it would seem that the longer a connection or piece of knowledge had been in place the more it appeared to be reliable and worth trusting.

I would love to hear your feedback. Take a look at how I mapped the impacts against the states of trust in Figure 1. Of course you may not agree and I would love to hear more about what you think.

Rob Wilkins is a Learning and Development professional with over 20 years experience in Corporate Learning and Development, Management and Executive Development, Learning Technologies and Organisational Performance Improvement. Currently completing his Masters in Knowledge Management and Business Information, Rob is considered a specialist in eLearning and Personal Learning Environments with a strong Knowledge Management influence guiding his research and professional development. Email: dawilkos@tpg.com.au : or more of his insights on a daily basis: Blog: http://roalp.blogspot.com

by Glenn Capelli

Glenn Capelli is the author of Thinking Caps book and radio pieces as well as being a top Keynote Speaker. www.glenncapelli.com. You can contact Glenn at glenn@glenncapelli.com

by Catherine Saxelby

Every second week or so, someone asks me the same old question: “Should I avoid carbohydrates after 6pm (or 5pm or 4pm) if I want to lose some weight?” So I thought I’d let you in on what I usually advise and you can pass it along to your friends and family.

Cutting out carbs like potato, pasta or rice with dinner is simply a way of cutting down on kilojoules (calories). That’s all. There’s nothing magical about the timing.

Here’s what you’ll save:
• Cut out a large baked potato and you reduce your dinner intake by 580 kJ (140 cals).
• Cut out a cup of steamed white rice and you’re down 770 kJ (185 cals).
• Cut out a cup of cooked spaghetti and you’re down 840 kJ (200 cals).

So out of a total dinner intake of say 1680 kilojoules (400 cals) for a steak, potato and salad, you can knock off more than 50 per cent if you say “No” to the carbs. That’s why you lose weight!

Eat light at night

However, I do think it’s a really good idea to eat lightly at night. Why? Well, most of us are at our least active in the evening – think of all those reality TV and talent shows we sit and watch – and so we’re less likely to burn off any excess.

BUT there’s no point in eating an unbalanced meal – it only sets you up to pick at chocolate or ice cream later on when you’re still hungry. A steak or fish fillet with non-starchy vegetables like green beans or tomato or a salad (even a large one) is not a balanced meal. It needs some carbs - but just a small portion - and you’ll finish the meal feeling a lot more satisfied. Just half of cup of rice or pasta or a small potato will balance things out nicely. I’ve changed the quantities of carbohydrates I now eat at night in line with this and found it much easier to maintain my weight. I’ve said good-bye to those huge bowls of pasta with fat-free sauce I used to tuck into – and I feel better for it.

If you really want to cut down, ditch the glass (or two or three) of wine you have with your meal. Two glasses of dry wine, red or white, add an extra 1000 kJ (240 cals), much more than a humble spud or spag.

Remember, I’m talking about the usual-sized glasses of wine which average 160 or 180ml, not the small 100ml old-fashioned glass that serves as the official measure of a ‘standard’ drink. This doesn’t exist anymore. These days, no-one drinks from one of those – I still have a small old wine glass of my father’s that I show when I give talks just to illustrate how sizes have increased over the past 10 years.

Catherine Saxelby is an accredited nutritionist and author of 9 books including Nutrition for Life. For more tips and ideas, go to her website at www.foodwatch.com.au